Tuesday, June 14, 2005

When Exactly Did the Olsen Twins Become So Utterly Unlikeable?

What the hell happened to these two? Seriously. They went from what seemed like happy, charming, well-adjusted little girls to two broodish, sullen, sour-pusses who hide behind big glasses, big bodyguards, and even bigger cups of Starbucks.

It must be insane to live your life in the spotlight from the age of 9 months, but at the same time, you'd think it would make someone fairly used to being in front of the camera. As they say, it comes with the price of fame, and in your case ladies, the price of fame is somewhere in the billion dollar rage... so suck it up.

When is the last time one of you smiled or even made eye contact with a camera? (Other than to flip one off, of course) And what exactly do you think it does to hold up your tiny hand and to try and block the shot? Do you think that it makes the photo unable to be sold? No, it doesn't. All that happens is that it gets captioned with something about you being snobby and stand-offish... and jerks like me write about you in their blogs.

I will play Devil's Advocate for a second. Let's assume I'm just being an asshole. I don't know what it's like to have Papparazzi surrounding me all the time so if you want to make feeble attempts to hide your tiny faces from them, whatever. But when you go to an event and you're on the red carpet, could we get a smile?? Or even a remotely normal looking expression?

Is anybody with me?

Mary Kate just squints her eyes and does that weird duck thing with her lips and Ashley... oh Ashley. When she's not looking completely miserable, she has that deer in headlights look... only in her case it's a deer with annoying pursed lips in headlights. I guess it's meant to look cute. Sort of a non-verbal way of saying "Look at me in all my doe-eyed innocence! I'm the non-fucked up one, you know." Well, I've got news for you. It makes you look fucked up.

So ladies, if you've decided in your "old age" that you just want to sit back and enjoy your fortune, then so be it. But then stop attending every red carpet event. Stop doing photo shoots for Harper's Bazaar. Stop sitting courtside at Lakers games. And Mary Kate, for the love of God, PLEASE stop wearing enough outfits (at once) to clothe half the nation. It only draws more attention to you!!! At some point, you'll fall out of the public eye and no one will care anymore. But until then, stop being so God damn miserable and Say Cheese!


Oh yeah.... and Happy Birthday! :-)

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

you're right once again. that "duck look" kills me!

Madeleine said...

I totally agree! GOD I hate that deer-in-headlights look I fucking want to shoot them everytime I see it!

It's good to know that there are other people who can't stand the snobby, fur-wearing, so-attention-seeking-but-pretending-i'm-normal twins! Although, for the amount of talent they actually have they do get WAY too much spotlight!