Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Incentive Jeans

I went to the mall on Saturday to buy a shirt for this Friday's festivities with Duran Duran. I told myself over and over 'You are going to buy ONE shirt. You have a budget, and you are not to buy more than one shirt." Ha. One shirt, one shrug, two pairs of gouchos, a dress, some jewelry, and one pair of incentive jeans later, I was home. I had the will power of a junkie in a crack house.

But anyway, so I bought these "incentive jeans" at the Gap. If you're wondering what incentive jeans are, they're jeans that are a size too small, but you buy them anyway, with the idea that with hard work and perseverance, you'll one day work your fat ass into them. This particular pair was $78 on sale for $35, so what the hell, right? Surprisingly, I can actually get them on AND (as an added bonus) actually button them. I just have to learn how to hold my breath for 10-12 hours at a time. I'm hoping that by the fall, my newly svelte self will be able to slide into these babies with little to no effort. As it is, I don't have to lie down on the bed to get them on, so I suppose that's a start! Onward ho!

Oh Yes, One More Thing...

Unfortunately Verizon Online DSL has failed me yet again, and I'm unable to get online on my own computer. I'm going away again for a while anyway, so I suppose now's as good a time as ever for my Internet to fail!! I'll see you all in... Gosh, I don't know... a week? 2 weeks? Something like that. Bye for now, peeps!!

Friday, July 22, 2005

Princess Paris Not So Royal After All

Some of you may remember my recent post about Narcissus-reincarnate Paris Hilton wanting to get married in London's St. Paul's Cathedral or Westminster Abbey. Only royals are allowed to marry there, but as Paris so humbly stated, "I'm the closest thing to American Royalty anyway."

Well, it would seem that Paris' dreams of a royal wedding have been dashed. Forgive me if I don't shed a tear.

Proof that slapping on a tiara doesn't automatically make you royalty.

Speaking of Paris Hilton...

There has been a recent request for photos of me as Miss Hilton from Last Halloween. We've just been talking about Halloween, so what better time than the present?

My brother recently accused me of being a turncoat, claiming that I "used to like Paris," citing my Halloween costume as proof. However, I fully contend that my costume was lampooning her, rather than lauding her. Anyone who saw it would surely agree...

I knew that Taco Bell Chihuahua Doll would come in handy one day.

Hoorah to Good Friends and British Snacks!

HUGE shout-out and major THANK YOU to my good friend, fellow redhead, and kindred spirit Catherine, for sending me a whole lot of what I love!!

Until America comes to their senses and starts importing heaps of Walker's and HobNobs into our various retail outlets, I have to rely on the kind hearts of my English pals to supply me with this deliciousness. Catherine does so on a fairly regular basis, thus saving me from terrible bouts of withdrawal! And all this, completely unprompted!

For this, Catherine, I thank you!! You're the best!!

What's in a Wizard Name?

Trent from Pink is the New Blog linked to this site today, which apparently tells you what your "Wizard name" is. He got to be Godric Finnigan, which in my opinion, is a pretty wizardy sounding name. Well, I tried it with far less satisfying results. My Wizard name?

"Terry Davies"

What's up with that? I think my real name sounds more wizardy than that! Terry Davies sounds more like a British Premiership Football Coach to me. Boo!!!!

I was actually a wizard for Halloween in kindergarten. Now I suppose I can tell people I was Terry Davies for Halloween '85.

More Sexy Vegetarians!?

As I reported last week, PETA announced the winners of the "World's Sexiest Vegetarians," Joss Stone and Chris Martin.

Well, those were actually the PETA2 winners (how silly of me to mix that up!!). For those of you not "in the know" PETA2 is the younger, hipper version of PETA. The original PETA announced their winners today. Again, Chris Martin beat out the males, while my own choice, American Idol's Carrie Underwood, won for the females.

Slightly confused? I am, too. But at least Carrie won. Maybe my campaign for her helped after all. No luck for Morrissey though. Maybe next year!

Congrats Carrie and Chris (again)!!

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Where's Michael?

From TV Guide Online:


Both Michael Jackson and his attorney were no-shows Wednesday at a hearing for the civil case which posits that the embattled pop star sexually assaulted an 18-year-old boy during the 1984 World's Fair. A rep for Jackson, who at a rescheduled Aug. 17 hearing may also face contempt-of-court charges, could not account for his client's absence, but adamantly denied reports that the singer stayed at home to finish Half-Blood Prince.

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if that were the real reason.

The British Get Weird For a Minute

A group of teachers in England have proposed a plan that the word "fail" be banned in British classrooms, for fear that hearing that they failed can put students "off learning for life."

What do they propose should be said in its place?

"Deferred success." Ha.

And if a student fails a second time, what's that going to be? "Extra Deferred Success?" And then "Ultra super mega deferred success"? Come on, people. If you fail, you fail. Calling it "deferred success" isn't going to make the parents any less pissed off when the kid comes home with it written on their paper.

From Reuters

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Just Plain Wrong

I was just in Wal-Mart (a place that happens to be the bane of my existence, but sometimes you've just gotta do it) and something caught my eye, and not in a completely loveable and hysterical way, but in a "Holy shit, what were they thinking?" way.

You know those "Bratz" dolls? The ones with no noses that sort of look like whores?

Well, as if those dolls aren't bad enough, MGA Entertainment, the company that manufactures them, has decided that it would be a good idea to take it one step further. Demeaning teen girls isn't enough, folks. We must now move onto the younger generation!! That is, the generation born post-2003! I present to you, in all of its repulsiveness, BRATZ BABYZ:

As if that wasn't disgusting enough just to look at, I invite you to read the text which accompanies these little pedophile's dreams:

"Before the Bratz were everybody’s favorite fashion friends, they were the Baby Girls with a Passion for Fashion™! This is where it all began – the funky fashions, the sizzlin’ accessories and the far-out friendship! Look out, these Babyz™ already know how to flaunt it, and they’re keepin’ it real in the crib!"
Umm... are they kidding me? WHAT are they thinking? These horrible little dolls actually made me stop and stare, mouth gaping. I cannot believe they think this is a good idea! Maybe I'm overreacting. Is anybody with me on this?

I mean, really. The orignal Bratz were bad enough. Then they went ahead and made the "punk" metrosexual "Bratz Boyz":


Then came the filthy little spin-off dolls known as the "4-Ever Best Friends"

(CREEPY! Like Kewpie Dolls in Drag!!)

Then they tried to sexify the animal kingdom, which resulted in the absolute horror of "Bratz Petz":

(Tell me those won't give kids nightmares!!)

As if all of that isn't weird and inappropriate enough, when you leave the official Bratz website, this charming message appears:
"You are about to leave the official Bratz Website! Until next time, take care, keep it real, and above all else, BE BEAUTIFUL!!"
Yay for American values!!!!

Like... does anyone else remember Strawberry Shortcake? Cherry Merry Muffin? Moondreamers? What has our world come to? What's next? "Bratz Prostitutz"?

And WHAT is this all about???

I'm speechless.

(Note: If you aren't appalled/confused enough, there is ENDLESS fodder on this wretched website. Visit for yourself!!)

Skinny Bitch!

I got weighed and measured at the gym today and went down a little on my arms, legs and abdomen. Went up around the chest, but if there's any place to go up, that's the one! I'm so happy that all my good eating habits and fitness regime is finally paying off. Pretty soon I'll be able to borrow clothes from Lindsay.

Namely this:

(minus the Mukluks. I have to draw the line somewhere)

Speaking of Miss Lohan...

Somebody needs to get their roots done, pronto.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

And You Thought YOU Had a Bad Day!

This is a good story.

Thanks to Yasmin from Jellywood for posting that.

2 Year-Old Has Identity Stolen... Twice?

Now I've seen it all.

22 month-old Jabriona Terry has had her indentity stolen for a second time, after a family friend used her name and social security number to get phone service set up in her house.

You'd think if you were going to steal someone's identity, you'd pick someone with a better name than Jabriona.

Congratulations, Danielle and Mario!

As she is one of the (few) faithful readers of Marnie's World, I would be completely remiss not to post a big, fat, huge CONGRATULATIONS to my good friend Danielle on her engagement to her Italian Stallion, Mario!

I haven't met her fiance yet, but from the looks of the enormous rock on her finger, he's a keeper. A million well-wishes to you guys!! For you are jolly good fellows.

And I promise not to get too drunk at your wedding!

Monday, July 18, 2005

Mary Kate's Dog Pulls a 'Matt Le Blanc'

These are obviously not overly recent, but it's still amusing stuff.

All images care of isifa

Bo... NO!

Anyone need a Bono lookalike for an upcoming event?

I've got just the person for you!

Sunday, July 17, 2005

My Eyes! Lord Help Me! My Eyes!!

For the love of all that is holy, make it stop.

Rock + Royalty

So, my girl Nicole Richie wrote a book and I am so reading it. And guess what? If she does a book signing, I'm so there!

INicole Richie!

I don't care what anyone says. I think she is so funny and entertaining, and I loved her on The Simple Life (please note she was the only thing I loved on The Simple Life). I'm so glad she distanced herself from the empty shell that is Paris Hilton. She seems much happier now, she and DJ AM are really cute together, and... well, whatever, she's my fave! I'd love to hang out with her for a day.

And as a side note, the media is so annoying about her weight loss. Don't get me wrong, she's TOTALLY skinny, but so are a million other girls in Hollywood. She never got attention when she was heavier. All you ever read about was that she was Paris's chubby, homely sidekick. No one cared. Now, all of the sudden she's everywhere. Even if it's to harp about how skinny she is, she's still everywhere these days, and as they say, any press is good press!!

I mean, come on, you didn't see her as a Bongo spokesperson when she looked like this:

I'm not denying that she didn't go a little too far (and I hope she doesn't lose anymore) but the double-standard is just so annoying. Leave her alone.

Ignore the haters, Nicole... and call me!

Picture from clasos.com

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Grocery Fun

I was in the grocery store just now and something amusing caught my eye:

The first thing that came to my mind was, "Look out, Nabisco. There's a new sheriff in town, and he's not just about salad dressing anymore."

The Newman-Os were funny enough, but then my eyes shifted slightly to the left, and feasted upon these beauties, which, in my opinion, put the Newman-Os to shame:

Oh, Mr. Newman... you are a genius. Joanne Woodward is a lucky, lucky woman.


Is anyone else as overwhelmingly shocked at THIS as I am???

Oh, please.

Senators Fight Hidden Sex in "Grand Theft Auto"

So the violence and crime are okay, but we've got to draw the line at sex? Forgive me if I roll my eyes.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Hey Jude

Don't EVER wear this again.



Banana Cream Pie-licious

Do me a favor. If you haven't tried the new Dairy Queen Banana Cream Pie Blizzard, GO! Run, don't walk, and get yourself some of this deliciousness!!!

I won't be cruel and post the nutritional information here, but let's just say it's worth it!

I was concerned at the calorie content at first, but what the hell. I'll work it off on my Gazelle.

(I SO have a Gazelle, by the way. Yeah, baby!)

Mischa Looks Better Coming Than Going

Clasos had this to say about these photos:

"Mischa Barton lleva de paseo a su perro despues de almorzar en West Hollywood, California parece que Mischa a estado ganando un poco de peso por lo ajustado que se le ven sus pantalones!!!"

Which basically translates to:

"Mischa Barton went for a stroll with her dog after lunch in West Hollywood, California and her pants be tight on that ever-growing booty, yo!"

In Other Ass News...

Kim Stewart's got something weird going on back there too.

I can't put my finger on it, but something just isn't right!!!

Way to Give Away the Ending, Hayl.

Haylie Duff did a silly thing recently. Not quite as silly as Hilary's chiclet veneers, but that's a whole other time and place. What I'm about to do makes me no better, because I'm only further spreading the news, but she started it, so whatever.

MTV.com had an article talking about how the lesser Duff is going to be playing a college student who's knocked up in upcoming episodes of 7th Heaven (that show is still on???). In the article, they also mention that she's got a few movies coming out too (Why does she continue to get work?). In one of the films, titled I Remember, the Jay Leno lookalike will play "the ultimate mean girl." This is what the genius had to say about it:
"My character is this really bitchy, crazy girl in high school, and she actually ends up dying to the Miss America song which is pretty cool," she laughed. "
So there you have it folks. If you were planning on seeing this film, don't bother. She dies. Actually, maybe that's a reason we should bother.

And does she do this chin thing on purpose?

Google Ads at Their Best

I don't know about you, but I find the following strip of Google ads to be slightly ironic:

Maybe it's just me.

World's Sexiest Vegetarians Announced!!

Well, the votes are in peeps! The World's Sexiest Vegetarians have been announced!

It would seem that my campaign for Morrissey and Carrie Underwood didn't do the trick, but maybe next year!!

This year's Winners are...

(envelope please)

Joss Stone and Chris Martin!!

Congratulations on your compassion!

Thursday, July 14, 2005

I'll be back!

(Say it like Arnold would for the full comedic effect)

You know, considering how few visitors I actually get to this site (with the odd exception here and there), it's kind of amazing how many emails I've gotten over the past few days asking me why the hell Marnie's World has taken a short hiatus. That was actually really cool. I'm touched!

"You like me... you really like me."

Anyway, obviously the attacks on London really affected me in a major way, and that was before I'd found out that someone I'm close to was injured. That was the reason behind the initial lessening in updates and such (for those who are wondering, my mini-tribute to said friend has come down in order to protect his privacy). As for the past few days, I haven't really felt much up to snarking on celebrities and stuff like that. I decided to leave Marnie's World down as a show of solidarity and respect. I hardly want to talk about the antics of nutcases like Whitney and the Olsens when there are much bigger things going on.

Having said that, a week has passed now, and I'm feeling more ready to get back into the swing of things. I know my friend wouldn't have it any other way.

At some point tomorrow, Marnie's World will be back in full effect!

Until then, I say once more:

To each and every person that was affected in any way by the London Terror attacks, my heart is with you.

Now, let's get back to business!!!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Not For the Faint of Heart

This is by far the most devastating, real account of what it was like to be in London today. This is an unspeakable tragedy and yet another day that will forever live in infamy.

God bless the people of London. You're all in our thoughts and prayers.

Today, we are all Londoners.

Please Say a Prayer

A very, very, very dear friend of mine was badly injured in the attacks this morning.

No matter what religion you are, please say a prayer for the very nicest person you could ever hope to meet in your life.

Shocked, Appalled, Devastated

"Half a dozen explosions rocked the London subway and tore open a packed double-decker bus during the morning rush hour Thursday. The blasts killed at least two people and injured scores in what a shaken Prime Minister Tony Blair said was a series of "barbaric" terrorist attacks."

Words cannot express what a complete state of absolute shock I'm in right now. I'm just devastated. For those of you who know me, you know that London is my home away from home; the place in this world that is most near and dear to my heart. Some of my best friends in the world live there, and one of the people who is most important to me travels via Liverpool Street every day. Today is his birthday.

I haven't been able to get in touch with anyone yet, and it seems like 9/11 all over again.

Perhaps what is most appalling to me though, is the fact that when 9/11 happened, every tv network shoved coverage around the clock... no commercials or anything. NBC, ABC, CBS, MTV, VH1... all of them. I was just watching television now and it seemed almost like a passing thought!!

"Oh yeah, and London was like bombed or something."

Can we show a little respect? It may not have happened in our country, thus 99% of Americans won't likely give a shit, but I think the least we can do is refrain from advertising that War of the Worlds is the number one film in the country in between news segments. That makes me sick.

I hate the American media sometimes.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

How Will I Know (When I've Gone Insane)?

Okay, so I know this is a little late in coming, but with me being on vacation and all, I missed the premiere of Being Bobby Brown on Bravo. I just got to catch the first episode, and the second one is on now.

Other than being surprisingy boring and un-entertaining, (Much like Britney and Kevin: Chaotic) the thing that surpised me most about the show is Bobby himself. He's not nearly as unlikeable as he appears to be. Sure, he's nuts and all, but he does generally seem like a friendly, down to earth kind of guy. Poses for pictures with fans, stuff like that. That sort of thing goes a long way with me, I have to admit.

Whitney, on the other hand, is not only a whackjob, but a straight up bitch! We've known that for years (remember the "Don't look me in the eye" rumours?) but you'd think she'd tone it down a little for TV and at least TRY to seem the tiniest bit personable. But no, she's haughty, ignorant, and has a completely ridiculous air of self-importantance oozing out of her pores.

What happened to the classy girl we used to know? The one that wanted to dance with somebody? The one that would always love us? The one with an unassuming cameo on Silver Spoons?

I know I made a big deal over the Olsens' downward spiral, but Whitney's fall from grace is matched by no other. She makes MK and Ash seem downright cuddly!

Definitely will be giving this show a miss from now on.

Buckle Up, Fido

From the Associated Press:
Pa. Lawmaker Eyes Boy's Dog Seat Belt Idea

GREEN TREE, Pa. - A state lawmaker is pushing for doggy seat belts on the advice of an 11-year-old constituent. Marc McCann of Green Tree came up with the idea as part of state Rep. Tom Stevenson's annual "There Ought to be a Law" contest.

Stevenson, R-Pa., submitted a bill to the House Transportation Committee in June that would require drivers to keep their dogs' heads inside the vehicle at all times. Stevenson also wants to require drivers to restrain the animals, either with some kind of modified seat belt or in a crate or carrier box.

"I never did like dogs sticking their heads out the window," said McCann, one of more than 500 students from his legislative district who proposed laws. "Maybe a sign might have been too close to the road and they'd get hit. Maybe they'd jump out the window on a highway."
Stevenson said the bill will protect "not only human lives, but pet lives. I think it's going to be a great idea because it's going to cut down on driver distractions."

Information from: Pittsburgh Tribune-Review

Simon is not going to be happy about this! The highlight of his existence is sticking his head out the window! Plus, he doesn't want to look dorky like some dogs.

And for those motorcycle dogs who think they're immune to all this? I've got bad news for you...

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

A Lil' Ray-O-Sunshine

It's been brought to my attention that perhaps I've been a bit too snarky over the past few weeks here at Marnie's World. I thought I'd take a break from the bashing and bitterness and post a little something to make everyone smile.

Enjoy it while it lasts.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Paris Proves Herself an Ass Once More

And I think we all know it won't be the last time.

Her thoughts on Live 8?
"It's such a great cause. It makes you realise how fortunate we are. I want to get more involved in this cause, so I'm going to read all the newspapers while I'm in Athens planning my wedding."

God bless Nicole Richie for distancing herself from this vapid idiot!

Bloggers Beware!

Living in the Lawsuit Age, it's only natural that it should extend into the world of blogging. I read an interesting article in yesterday's Philadelphia Inquirer about how if we don't watch our backs, we could be facing libel charges. Great.

I took the liberty of scanning it for you too, so you can check it out in its entirety here.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Hell's Kitchen... Hells yeah.

Does anyone else watch this show? If you don't, check it out tomorrow night on Fox. It's addictive.

Actually, you'd have to admit that most reality shows are addictive, even the AWFUL ones like Married By America. (The exception being I Wanna Be A Hilton -- I refuse to even give this cack a chance). I think it's easy to get hooked, particularly when you hate someone on the show... which almost always happens. On a sitcom or in a film, you know that someone wrote it, so you don't ultimately care what happens. With reality shows, it's much easier to hate someone and love watching them fall, because you know it's real (well, more real than a sitcom is anyway!). Sure, much of it is exaggerated, but let's face it... Omarosa is a mega-bitch in real life. LeeAnn is a conceited psycho in real life. Kim Caldwell is an obnoxious hick in real life. It's a train wreck and we love it.

In Hell's Kitchen, the asshole of the group is Andrew. Ugh... I hate this douchebag and I can't wait until he gets voted off. The only thing I'll miss is Gordon Ramsay bitching him out at every opportunity!

I'll keep my fingers crossed for tomorrow's episode.

As for tonight, I'd like someone to tell me why The Dead Zone isn't on!! Come on TV Peeps! I need my Johnny Smith fix!!!!

What the... ?

Hilton Stuff

I just read this about Paris Hilton's wedding plans.

I'm sorry, but this quote does NOT sound like it came from Paris:
"I've got my heart set on a ceremony at St Paul's or Westminster but I've had to write to the Prince to ask for a dispensation because I don't qualify. I really want to get married at Christmas though as I'd love to have snow and log snow and log fires,* so Windsor is a cool back-up."
First of all, I don't think "dispensation" is a word that has ever come out of her mouth. Secondly, "...as I'd love to have...". No. She totally does not talk like that. This, however, DOES sound like a quote from Miss Hilton:

"But the actual event is going to have a royal theme and London is the only place to do that. I'm the closest thing to American royalty anyway."

Gag me.

I'm not really sure what to make of this quote:

"It's fitting really as the Queen is married to a Greek and so will I be."
The first part sounds too proper and English for her (there's that "as" thing again), but the poor grammar at the end of the sentence seems like it could have come straight from the horse's mouth. I guess it's a case of paraphrasing gone wrong. Oh well.

Why am I even writing about this? Someone just kill me.

* P.S. What the hell is "log snow and log fires"?

In Other Hilton News...

It seems as though Nicky Hilton has taken a page from Nicole Richie's style book! Perhaps she's impressed by Nicole's "Young Hot Hollywood Style" Award.

Just have a look...


Live 8 -- From the Eyes of a Spectator.

So, I'm officially back now. I mean, I know I said I was back last night, but only physically. My mind was elsewhere, and I was so tired that I barely remember writing anything!!! You may or may not want details, but you're getting them anyway!

As you know, I got up très early to score a good spot. By the time I got off the bus and made my way up Benjamin Franklin Parkway there were already loads of people set up with their blankets and chairs and stuff. I totally wished I had brought a chair, but whatever. No use crying over spilt milk!! Anyway, I found myself a nice little empty spot next to a cool guy named Tom. I probably could have gotten closer seeing as I was only one person, but I didn't even try. I laid down my Union Jack towel (sharing with Tom, of course, because that's just the kind of gal I am) and settled in for the long haul. There were loads of cool people around us. I'm SO bad with names I'm not even going to attempt to name everyone, so I'll just call them "Samantha and Friends." It was just an all-around good bunch. Good thing because they were supposed to be showing the Foreign feeds on the big screens from 7am until 12 when the show actually started, but for some reason they didn't. If I didn't have good company around me, I would have shot myself!!

We basically spent the next 5 hours or so trying to get people to stop stepping on us and our stuff in the hopes of finding a closer spot (which, by now, there wasn't any). One guy was incessantly trying to get by, but refusing to take his muddy shoes off in order to walk over the group's blanket. When they told them he couldn't, and that there was nowhere for him to go anyway, he got really belligerent and starting cursing, trying to intimidate Samantha. Ha, my girl wasn't having it. She stood right up and starting screaming right back in that mofos face, and all of the people around us cheered. It was great.

Another guy walked by and literally stepped right on the shoulder of another girl in the group, and she wiped the mud off of herself and put it right back onto his t-shirt. It was a highlight of my day at that point. One couple got so fed up with trying to maintain their spot that they finally said screw it and went elsewhere. I don't know if they left or not, but I felt bad for them. No one that gets to a concert that early to get a spot should have to lose it because of idiots who show up whenever they want.

There was another drunken rocket scientist who just walked onto the blanket of the girls on the other side of me, and just stood there. One of the girls very politely asked "Are you trying to get by?" to which he just shook his head no in that very slow, drunken way. He stood there for a few more minutes and she asked him again. Again he shook his head and just stood there... RIGHT in the middle of her blanket?? I finally got involved and said "Dude, do you want to get the hell out of here?" He hung his mouth open put his hands up to his chest like he was hurt and I said "Yes, you, you're standing right in the middle of her blanket!! Can you get out of here?" Surprisingly, he did as he was told. The other girl said "I'm so glad you're here because you've got more attitude than I do." Ha. Thanks.

Anyway, once the show finally started and everyone stood up, that's when the real mayhem began. I'm not exagerating when I said that for HOURS we were literally mowed over by groups of people who each thought that they were the single most important person there and that they deserved to be up front despite the fact that they "rolled up in there" just minutes before. When we tried to explain to people that not only were we there from 6am, but that there was nowhere to go even if we DID let them by, we got some interesting responses, the most common of which was "I was already up there, I'm just trying to get back to my spot" or "My friends are up there." Whatever. My personal fave was a guy who, when we tried to tell him to beat it, said "Naw, naw... my momma's up there already." He then started screaming at the top of his lungs "Momma! Momma! Aww, she can't hear me, I gotta get up there" I'm sure his imaginary momma was worried about him.

Another girl, when we told her that we got there at 6am said "Oh really? You got here at 6am? Guess what? I got here at 12:30 and I'm right here wichoo and I'm bout to be up there in front of you." Pure class.

Then there was the genius who came up behind us and said repeatedly "Man, I gotta get to work. Imma be late." Nice try, buddy. He eventually shoved his gargantuan ass through, only to stand maybe 2 people up from us for most of the show. At one point I couldn't resist yelling "Hey f***face, you're going to be late for work!"

When a group of about 20 people filtered (SHOVED) past us, I finally jumped in front of the last remaining few and said "NO!!! NO!!!! ENOUGH!!! That's it!!!" Verbal (and minor physical)altercations ensued, but my new friends and I stood our ground.

A few minutes later, when another was about to make an attempt, this tall skinny ugly girl said "That one's a bitch." He said "Which one?" and I turned around just in time to see her pointing at me. I just smiled at her. One of the girls with me said "What? She's a bitch because she doesn't want 200 people to talk in front of us when we've been here since 6? Whatever c***" (insert extremely nasty expletive). I love new friends.

My all time fave of the day was a guy who, when we formed a united front and said that he was absolutely not getting by said, "I will elbow the shit out of you bitches!" which he then did. I then tripped him and shoved him as hard as I could. Serves him right.

Later in the show, another looney literally DOVE through us. She was actually airborn, and almost took out at least 4 people. Once she landed, she turned to her fat little husband (whom we were now purposely blocking) and waved him in saying "Come on!! Just push!!!" We were not having it, and all he kept saying was "That's my wife, I've gotta get to my wife." I said "You're wife should have stayed where she was instead of almost killing people. Too bad." I can't remember if he got through or not, but it wasn't because we let him, I'll tell you that much.

There's a million more tales like that, but I don't want to go on forever. I don't want to make it all sound bad though. There were loads of nice people there too. I shared my water, they shared their sunscreen. It was cool.

Once my new buddies couldn't take it anymore and left, I started talking to the two girls who had been in front of us who were completely hysterical. They were sitting in chairs and behind one of them was a girl in a dress that was much too short and tight for her figure. She was close enough that any time the girl in the chair even slightly turned her head, all she saw in her peripheral vision was cooter. Not cool. Before eventually asking the offender to step back, she delivered one of the funniest lines of the day "Seriously... why is her pouch right in my face?" Ha.

They were really nice and made me laugh for quite a while before packing it in themselves.

I then decided to leave the area I was at and see what was up around the other sides. Things were clearing out a bit more by then so it was easier to move and breathe. I then encountered a super nice (and super cute) guy who offered to put me on his shoulders. I politely declined, telling him that I'd probably break his neck (and take out 5 people trying to get up in the first place). He insisted, but I still declined, knowing that my ass had been sitting on a soggy towel all day, and it wouldn't have been the most pleasant thing to have against his neck. If I had thought of it, I'd have used the old "Swampy Cooter" line. He was great though. I was sad when I had to leave him, but I couldn't take that area of the crowd anymore. Being severely sunburnt and smashed between a bunch of 6 foot people isn't the most enjoyable thing I can think of. I think I may just have to use the Craigslist "Missed Connections" to find that guy though. Or maybe my page will just become wildly popular and he'll happen upon it. If that should happen, cute blonde guy, thanks. ;-)

Anyway, after that I just mulled around alone, pouring water on myself.

Oh yeah, and throughout this, there was some music going on too, but you can read about that anywhere. :-)

I eventually made it onto the bus home, which of course didn't go smoothly, but that story's not even worth telling.

So there you have a real, raw, first-hand account of what it was REALLY like to be at Live 8 Philadelphia.

To all the cool peeps I met and had fun with, thanks so much. You're the best.

To the assholes who think that they're more important than everyone else, I hope you get a bad rash or something.

Thank you.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!!

That is, back from Live 8! (And vacation with my sister and the kids, but that seems like ancient history now!) Anyway, today in a nutshell: Slept for 2 hours, got up at 3am, got a 4:09 bus to Philly, was at the show by 6, and ended up about 50 people back from the barrier.

Up sides: I was part of history, got a somewhat decent spot, met several awesome people, enjoyed the music.

Downsides: Wasn't in London, couldn't really see too well, WAAAAY crowded, insanely rude people (and thusly, I was involved in a few verbal and minor physical altercations) and some badass sunburn.

All in all the day was a success though, and I'm glad I went. Well done, Mr. Geldof!!

More details tomorrow, when I'm not literally falling asleep in my seat!!! (In the meantime you can click here or here to read and see a little more about it.