Monday, August 15, 2005

Hola Chicos and Chicas!

Got mucho to report tonight!

I spent the weekend visiting with some friends that I haven't seen a while. My one friend (we'll call him "Pat" ) has spent the last two years in Guatemala for the Peace Corps. He's actually been home for a few months, but he lived kind of far so I didn't get to see him. He recently moved to the Bronx so I trekked on up and we caught up and reminisced and all that good stuff.

Before I tell you about the rest of the weekend, I have to tell you a story that Pat told me about his travels in the Peace Corps. He told me this just as I'd taken a sip of my White Russian and I literally almost spit it across onto the bartender.

One of the places that he lived in Guatemala unfortunately had an outdoor latrine made of cornstalks. Not like, whole cornstalks or anything, but ground up cornstalks that they use to make walls. Anyway, one day as Pat was outside doing his bizniz, four... yes FOUR cows came up and started EATING the walls of the latrine!! To quote Pat "I mean, it wasn't scary, I knew they weren't after me, but they ate the walls." Hahahaha!! As if that story wasn't good enough on its own, shortly after this happened (while the latrine was still sans walls), a large group of people congregated at a little church in a field across the way from Pat's house. The Bishop of Guatemala was even there. As they say, "when you've gotta go, you've gotta go" and unfortunately that includes when there's a large group of people and a Religious figure out in a field that's in clear view of your bathroom. You can guess the rest of the story. Classic hilarious stuff.

Happy Cows Come from Guatemala

Anyway, back on Earth...

Friday night we caught a showing of Chaos, which is a remake of Wes Craven's first film Last House on the Left. Like the first film, I had quite a few issues with this one having too much of a comedic feel at some parts, but I won't spoil it for those of you who want to see it for yourselves. I will say this though... Nasty stuff folks, nasty stuff. Neither of us ended up needing the "Discomfort bags" that were provided for us, but I wouldn't be surprised if someone had. Yukkity yuk yuk yuk.

After that we ended up going to this little bar called the Raven in the East Village. It was cool. We just chilled on one of the couches, drank, and people watched. One sorta goth woman looked like she was a second grade teacher during the day, but let her wild side out at night. We enjoyed her very much. Then there were these two Asian guys who I swore got their 'look' from those guys in the T-Mobile "Poser mobile" commercials. (If you haven't seen these, please do yourself a favor and click here... if for no other reason than to be able to picture these dudes from the bar) They got funnier and funnier to look at as the night wore on. I was just happy because they looked more out of place than I did!

(Video from www.whoyoutalkinat.com)

On Saturday, we headed up to Connecticut to visit Alex, his awesome girlfriend Courtney, and their adorable little puppy Leia. I unfortunately couldn't get a new picture of Leia because she didn't sit still long enough for me to do so, but pictures don't even do her justice. She is CUTE. Like REALLY, REALLY cute. We had a great time!! Travelling through 4 states (CT, NY, PA, and NJ) to get home yesterday was not as fun, but well worth it.

And now onto the celeb goss!!! You knew it was coming folks, and tonight we have plenty of it!

First of all...

THIS is complete bull. I can personally vouch for that.

And I'm not saying that because I'm some dorky fan that thinks celebs can do no wrong. I was there... more than once. Her clothes suck, but the girl can SANG. There is no lipsynching going on there. She doesn't sound perfect all the time, and that's a good thing. Go away, haters.




Onto Someone I'll Never Defend...

Oh, how I'd like to slap the shit out of you, Paris Hilton.

Better yet, I'd like to stick you in a room full of PETA peeps. Why? Read this.

Tinkerbell? You're better off. Trust.

Tink

What's a Day Without Lindsay News?

This is what the recently released Lindsay Lohan doll looks like...

Old Lohan

But I'm thinking this is probably more accurate these days...

New Lohan

Victoria Beck-UMMM...

Posh Family Outing

What? She's just like any other mother out for a stroll with her kids!

At the Teen Choice Awards...

Fergie wore overalls with uneven cuffs, which was unfortunate, but she did manage not to pee herself, which is a plus!

Dry, yet still not stylish

(I'm a poet and I don't even know it!)

Daveigh Chase, the scary girl from The Ring has grown into a cute Michelle Trachtenberg clone, while Haylie Duff remains as scary (and awkward) as ever.

Scary Girls

Hilary's veneers showed up and brought Hilary along with them.

Mr. Ed Reincarnated

Carmine Gotti still looks like he's made of Wax...

I heart Madame Tussauds

A mature looking JoJo stretched out her fifteen minutes of fame.

Get out, right now.

("Who??"... Exactly.)

American Idol II's Kim Caldwell (God, I HATE her!) channeled Andy Warhol, while a nearby Rosanna Tavares (of On Air with Ryan Seacrest and TV Guide Channel fame) looked appropriately frightened.

A has-been and a never-was

What? No Lindsay? My life is empty.

To sum it up, I'd like to make a plea. Can we, as a society, PLEASE stop giving Paris Hilton awards? Even if it's just a dumb surf board, she DOESN'T DESERVE IT!!!!!

Puke

Society sucks.

'Tis all for tonight!!!!

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