Saturday, October 01, 2005

"She looks like a crack whore... THAT'S what she looks like!"

I just got back from working/hanging out at the Ashlee Simpson show at the Electric Factory in Philly. There's not much else I can say other than "Oh my."

Actually, there's plenty to say, so here I go.

You know, before I got to there today, I thought to myself that if I was even remotely entertained by the show, I might consider taking back (or at least amending) all of the things I've had to say about our dear Ash since this site began (see examples: 1, 2, 3, and 4).

So then I saw the show.

Let's just say that I stand by everything I've said about her and then some. This girl needs to stop making music immediately. Please, for the love of God, someone stop her!!

First of all, she can't sing. Period. One note that she hit during the sound check actually sent chills down our spines, and not in a good way. The actual show was even worse, because there were moments of obvious backing tracks (sometimes her mouth didn't even match up with what she was 'singing'). The times when she was singing (and believe me, you could tell the difference) made me want to look for the nearest sharp object so that I could pierce my eardrums post haste and put them out of their misery. Add to that the ridiculous seizure-like "dancing" (dubbed by me as "the jackass shuffle") and the whole thing was pretty much unbearable.

Secondly, she doesn't have much of a "presence." When they brought in all the giddy young fans who somehow scored tickets to the "coveted" soundcheck and meet-n-greet, she walked right by everyone and no one even noticed her. Of course, it could have been the ridiculous hat she had on, or the fact that she appears to be losing weight at Nicole and Hilary speeds, but I don't think so. I think it's more that she's just "blah." She does look better thinner, but her hair looks like a rat's nest, and her fashion sense seems to be that of a Mary-Kate/pseudo-punk hybrid. Horrible. The quote of the night definitely goes to my friend Nicole who stood with me and watched in horror:

"She looks like a crack whore. THAT'S what she looks like."

Ha. Yes. Yes, she does.

The second best quote of the night goes to the security guard who asked me on my way out of the back door at the end of the night, "Did you meet Jessica?" HA again.

I actually could have met Ashlee more than once, but I decided against it. I didn't want to be phony, and saying anything to her other than "Wow... you're really terrible, aren't you?" would have been just that. She's probably a nice girl and all, but I just don't really have any respect for her "talent" and I wasn't going to pretend that I did.

She mentioned to the crowd at one point that she's glad they forgave her SNL snafu and recognized that she's "a human being." Sure. You just happen to be a human being that should not have a record deal.

For what it's worth, I did manage to take some shitty pics with my phone from sidestage and the pit, but they're not much to look at. I actually got a great one after she jumped down into the pit (and stepped right on my shoe as she was being ushered out, leaving a big mark!!) but in the mayhem of screaming fans, my phone clicked shut and it was lost. Crying shame.

Sorry if the whole thing sounds harsh, but seriously. With all the people out there with real talent who are looking for a break, someone like this having a record deal is just a big fat slap in the face.

Please go away!!

PS How about the show is only 50 minutes long?? Sure, saving grace for me, but what about the people who paid for a ticket and waited in line all day?? Ugh.




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