Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Leaving on a Jet Plane

But I do know when I'll be back again. Next week, so worry not.

Oh... you weren't worried? Fine then.

Anyway, I unfortunately must bid you adieu this week, whilst I fly away to the sunny shores of Florida. This trip has been planned for ages, but it's really seemed to creep up on me quickly. My brilliant plan to pack way in advance of course never took shape, thus leaving me to scramble like mad tonight. So typical.

I'll be working all day tomorrow, and in the evening I've got some business at the Electric Factory, before jetting off in the wee Thursday morning hours, so this will unfortunately be my last post for at least a week. When I return, I've got some Bon Jovi work to do, then it's immediately off to England, where I'll be enjoying the company of my good friends, as well as several Duran Duran shows... and even a Coldplay show. Oh, the times to be had!

I'm sure there are many excellent stories and photos to come. Until then, sweet princes and princesses, Marnie has left the building!!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Mini-Me!

Those of you who know me well (lucky you) probably know that about 2 years ago, I began a mission to donate an egg to an infertile woman, in a mission to overcrowd the world with a bunch of little Marnies. What greater gift could society ever wish for? (insert tongue firmly in cheek, por favor).

Not surprisingly, (she says modestly) no couple has chosen my eggs yet (and I stress the "yet". Surely there has to be someone out there who wants a short, wise-ass redheaded child?). Anyway, I got a cutesy little email from Fliss today with little kids and dogs posing together. I was enjoying it just fine when I came to a photo that actually made me take a step back and think "Did someone take my eggs after all?" Of course I haven't gone through the hormone injections or the extraction process, so unless aliens probed me in my sleep, this would be impossible. However, upon looking at the picture, it's hard to believe that this child isn't mine. Talk about a Doppelgänger!



Don't see the resemblence? Well, take a look at my baby pictures and tell me that she doesn't look like she split directly from my embryo. She even has the same indifferent look on her face that I did in most of my pictures. Spooky.



Maybe I did some child modelling and just don't remember. It would have been typical for me to pose with the dog. :-)

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Princess Hip Hop?

Wait 'til you hear this.

According to The New York Post Online, Paris Hilton describes the sound of her upcoming CD as "princess hip hop". Umm... excuse me, but what in the name of all that is holy is PRINCESS HIP HOP? Is that rapping about spindles that prick fingers and uncomforable peas in your bed?

Actually, I've heard the song "Screwed" that was/is supposed to be the first single, and going by that, one can only deduce that "Princess Hip Hop" means "really, really shitty horrible music by rich, untalented morons." Yeah, that's about right.

Never one to hold back from saying something stupid, Paris commented that, while she is a classically trained violinist (who knew?) she's "... not going to be onstage playing the violin. That would be gay."

A comment that's an insult to gay people everywhere.


Princess Jackass

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Only in Ireland!

A nursing home in Ireland has come up with a great new way to keep their residents as happy as pigs in slop -- by providing its own pub. The folks in charge at St Mary's Hospital in County Monaghan think that the pub will encourage the oldies to be social which, in turn, may even help them live longer.

The pub opens at 11am (because there's nothing like booze with brunch for a 90-year-old) and closes at 9pm (which I would imagine is well past their bedtimes anyway). Not surprisingly, its existence has apparently led to an increase in visitors as well. I can see that scenario now:

"Honey, we're going to go see my mother."

"Noooooooo... please, anything but that. It's my day off!"

"There'll be booze there"

"I'll get my coat."

(Imagine it with the appropriate Irish accents, of course).

Assistant director of nursing at the home, Rose Mooney, told Reuters that having the pub "...means the patients aren't bored to death." Ha. Maybe not, but someone ought to watch out for excess falls. Those hips are fragile, you know.

The other thing I worry about is the morning after. I imagine it going a little something like this:



The only other thing I can add is that when I get to be 85 and can barely wipe my own hoo-hoo any longer, can someone please sign me up for this place? Thanks in advance.

And While We're on the Topic of Drunkeness and the Elderly...

This is hysterical.

Drunken Elks Attack Old People's Home

Note my favourite paragraph:
'"It's not unusual for elks to get drunk," forester Fredrik Jönsson told the newspaper. "They don't recognise the difference between fermented and not fermented and stuff themselves down to the last apple." Mr Jönsson did not know how many apples the elks had eaten.'

Well... either that or the part about the elk that stole the bike. The whole article is just full of good stuff. Please read it!

AAAHHHHH!!!!!

Are you kidding me???

Ants Eat Away at Woman's Eye in Hospital

Monday, November 14, 2005

Puggle Gyllenhaal

This photo has made the rounds on most of the blogs already, but it's so damn cute that I decided that it's better to be a day late and a dollar short (as usual) than to not post it at all.

This is Jake Gyllenhaal's new Puggle puppy(Pug + Beagle for those of you who lack basic deductive reasoning skills):



Ha. She looks like a Hollywood diva already!

Rod Stockpiles the Goodies

Female First reports that my one time unhealthy obsession, Rod Stewart, had frozen his sperm "in case of problems" when trying to conceive his latest kiddie. Seeing as his fiancée, Penny, is extremely pregnant, it would appear as though there were no "problems" and that Rod's rod worked just fine. All those years of wearing skin tight pants didn't screw anything up, and it's all a-ok down below! Good for you, Rod.



Read the whole sordid tale here.

Is it wrong that the thing that bothered me most about the article was that Rod has five kids, not six?

These Boots Are Made For Buyin'... Again and Again.

Does anyone remember a while back when I raved and raved about my new Liv's boots?



Does anyone remember when I said I was only going to get one colour?

Does anyone remember how I'm full of shit? Because I totally have three pairs now. (You were SO right, Danielle).



That's right, the black ones and the pink ones have arrived on my doorstep this week, and I'm so overjoyed! I can't wait to wear these biotches! In fact, I'm so excited at these that I've actually decided to sell all my Uggs! My once beloved Uggs will soon be history (and so will my guilt about supporting mulesing!). Watch the "Buy My Crap" space in the sidebar and perhaps you can be the happy new owner. :-)

I don't know who this Liv person is, but wherever they are, they've made me a very happy woman!

Sunday, November 13, 2005

The Barnyard Says, SHUT UP!!


I cannot stand Rachael Ray.

My mom was playing some old school Dr. Mario earlier, and when she turned it off, the Food Network was on, but the sound was muted. $40 A Day was on, and there was Rachael, walking through the streets of some town or another, no doubt yammering on about something I don't care about in her shrill little voice. As I watched her I realised that, even on mute, she is probably the single most annoying person in history.

Seriously, does anyone ever watch her? I've only caught $40 A Day once or twice when my mom had it on, but I was totally bored by it. The premise of the show is that you can travel to just about any city on vacation or business or whatever and eat 3 great meals for under $40. She always manages to do it, but it's totally not realistic. First of all, she only ever drinks water with her meals, and most people just don't do that... nor do they want to. Secondly (and much more annoyingly), she is like the crappiest tipper ever!! $1.44 left for a $19 meal! Crappy! Let's hope the producers of the show left a little on the table when the cameras stopped rolling.

As if that one show wasn't enough, the Food Network decided to give Miss Ray a second show (and also a third, but I've never seen that one so I'm not going to comment at all -- other than to say that it's probably just as nerve-wracking). Anyway, the other popular show she has is 30 Minute Meals. Glutton for punishment that I am, I tend to watch this one a lot more frequently. I can't really explain why, seeing as within seconds I want to tear my hair out, but I guess it's like seeing an accident on the side of the road. You don't really want to see it, but you look anyway. Or maybe it's like when something tastes really horrible and you're like "Ugh!! This is so bad! Taste this!" I don't know.

Anyway, if you haven't seen Rachael Ray or any of her shows, I'd advise against it. That is, unless you like sickeningly chipper and somewhat goofy cooks carrying bowls and stuff around a kitchen saying things like "Retro cooking is yummy yummy yummy!" or "If there was a game show for like, carrying stuff... I'd TOTALLY clean up!" (imagine it with dim-looking wide eyes and overactive hand gestures). Oh yeah, and can she PLEASE stop calling extra virgin olive oil "E-V-O-O"?? But whatever, if you like that sort of thing, then definitely tune in!

There isn't really a point to all this. I haven't sounded off at length for a while and she seemed a worthy target. I'd actually been meaning to comment on her for a while, but I left her alone until now. After all, she seems to pretty much stay out of the public eye other than her food network escapades, and you don't see her doing dumb things like lip-synching on SNL or jumping up and down on Oprah's couch, right? Well, then yesterday I caught a commercial with her in it, where she says something about her favourite dish having "the whole barnyard in it." Umm... eww! As a vegetarian and rabid animal lover, I found that to be a pretty tasteless way of putting it and thought to myself, "Right, you've done it now... you're going on the website, bitch." :-)

So that's all really. Rachael Ray is annoying. Me and the barnyard said so.



Can you say "Airbrushed"?

Friday, November 11, 2005

The Truth About Me Missing Cool Stuff

You know, I've sort of become a "weekend blogger" lately and I don't like it one bit!

You know what else I don't like one bit? Whe Nicole Richie comes to NY to do a book signing for The Truth About Diamonds and I know nothing about it, thus missing the whole thing!!!

If you recall, I had big plans to attend such a book signing and I'm gutted that I wasn't able to be there!! I love me some Nicole, and I very much look forward to reading the book. Hopefully I'll get to it this weekend!

Among other things, I'm extremely excited to read about "Simone Westlake," a character that, from what I read, is definitely "loosely" based on Paris Hilton. I refer you to this:

Simone, who is always "accidentally on purpose" losing her cell phone, coerces "rock royalty princess" Chloe Parker to pretend they're best friends for an ad campaign. Then Simone stabs Chloe in the back. Richie describes Simone as "a model, an actress and an all-around professional fake-rich girl" who has never been "seen out of pumps since puberty ... not even in her night-vision skin flicks."
Ha! LOVE the subtlety! "That's hot."

(From Perez's forums)




Hopefully I'll catch you next time, Nicole!

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

A Familiar Face

I was just browsing Pink is the New Blog, and Trent has some cool news about Morrissey being hard at work on his new album (woo hoo!). Accompanying this info are some shots of Moz with his producer Tony Visconti:



These shots are particularly sweet for me because my boy Mikey Farrell is in the middle shot! Mikey is an AMAZING, multi-talented musician who currently plays keyboards for Moz (as well as trumpet, percussion, guitar, backing vocals and just about any other thing you can think of -- I'm telling you --multi talented!). On top of that, he's an absolute sweetheart! He was one of the (many) highlights of working for Morrissey last year (which I cannot believe was a YEAR ago, by the way!). Total class act!

Anyway, I'm just rambling now but I thought it was cool that Trent had his pic up, even if he didn't know it!!


Backstage after Moz's second night at Radio City Music Hall, October 2004.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Tres Dumbasses

Three Die Playing Catch With Grenade

I don't think I really have to comment? I would hope the title says it all.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Pretty Funny Comedy

Everybody make sure to check out my hilarious and talented friend and fellow La Salle graduate Kristin Russo at her site, Pretty Funny Comedy.

This girl is kooky, funny, super nice, and definitely going places!



Russo, Just make sure to remember us when you rule the world.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Ashlee's McDonald's Meltdown

By know you've all heard that "she whom I love to hate," Ashlee Simpson, recently went nuts in a Toronto-area McDonald's after having a bit too much to drink... (and perhaps some other stuff?)

This magical footage includes an insane Ashlee jumping onto the counter and, after being asked to get off, slurring to the employee "Bitch, stop talking to me! I'm nice!". She also tells a fan that she won't sign an autograph because he "wouldn't kiss my shoe... so fuck you." (imagine this being said much less clearly as it's written here.) She then bets the aforementioned employee five million dollars that the manager "will be nice to me." Such class. Papa Joe would be proud.

Probably the weirdest and most amusing thing to happen in a McDonald's since this.

Definitely not to be missed.

Absolutely Really and Truly the Funniest Thing Ever... For Real This Time.

Okay, so you know how I pretty much think everything is the "funniest thing ever"? Well, now I've found something that, without question, will hold that title forever in my book.

I actually found it a few weeks ago while browsing Cityrag and every single time that I've thought about it since, I've automatically gone into hysterics. This includes at inappropriate times like at work. I can't help it. The editing is genius and the song is hilarious and perfect (so make sure you have the sound up!). It really is the FUNNIEST THING EVER.

Paper Doll Heaven

Anyone who has a lot of time on their hands (as I do this weekend) simply MUST check out the awesome website Paper Doll Heaven! It has virtual "paper dolls" of all of your favourite celebs and a closet full of clothes to dress them in. It's fun and TOTALLY addictive!

Lindsay, Paris, Mischa, Nicole... you name it. Here's a few examples of my efforts!



So there you have it! One more way to waste time at work! Don't say I never gave you anything. :-)

If Lindsay Gained Weight...

So we all know what Lindsay Lohan looks like when she's skin and bones.



But did you ever wonder what she'd look like if she gained a little extra weight? I have, and I think I've come up with the answer:



Separated at birth?

Lazy Weekend

You know what I've done/am doing/will do this weekend?

Nothing.

Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nil. Naught.

I'm staying home, being lazy, and enjoying every minute of it!

That said, since it doesn't require changing out of pajamas or leaving the house at any point, I will be doing some much-needed updates here. Keep an eye out!



Or several.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Random Post About Duran Duran and Me Looking Like People

I am so damn tired. I took a 2-hour nap when I got home today, but I'm still very much looking forward to my head hitting the pillow this evening!

Last night I made yet another 3-hour trek up to the Big Apple, this time to attend a proper theater screening of Duran Duran's new DVD "Live From London." I wasn't sure I wanted to go at first because that's a lot of travelling for a DVD that I could easily watch from home, but now I'm so glad I went. It was hot. DEFINITELY worth the trip. It basically documented the original 5's shows at Wembley last year. It was amazingly done, with over 50 cameras, and the show itself was phenomenal. Made me really wish I was there. It also made me very much look forward to my trip to England in December for the Manchester and London shows. Apparently they hold the record for the most people inside Wembley at once? Who knew?

Nick Rhodes joked that since they were tearing Wembley down and rebuilding it, they would probably hold that record forever, and for any other bands considering trying to break it, "don't even think about it."
:-)

While we were in the theater, there was a few people behind us whispering "ask her, ask her" and when I turned around, the man said "Excuse me, but aren't you the girl from Six Feet Under?" Ha. No, but I'd like her paycheck. He didn't actually seem to believe me at first, insisting "You look just like her!" and then asking me if I get that a lot. I then told him that I used to get Lindsay Lohan a lot (which he also didn't seem to believe) but that it was the first Lauren Ambrose comparison. Paul very kindly pointed out, "She's much prettier than the girl from Six Feet Under!"

Thanks, Paul. :-)



I think it's a thing when you have red hair. There are so few of us that people automatically think we all look alike. When I was younger, I constantly got told that I looked just like Annie or Pippi Longstocking.



Um... no.

To be honest, the only person that I ever thought really resembled me was the redhead from that group with the two Russian lesbians, Tatu.



Especially when I had my curly hair. It's actually kind of freaky.

Anyway, I'm TOTALLY getting off the point! The Duran Duran thing was great and I'm really glad I went! Thanks for convincing me, Paul!

And on that note, I know I've been going on about "loads of updating" but I think that will be all for this evening. I'm just too tired for it to be any good, and God knows I refuse for this site to be sub-standard... *cough*

I've got plans tomorrow so I'll catch up on Friday. My ass isn't moving from the house this weekend so expect much inane rambling. Until then, goodnight! :-)

Spooktacular

Update time!!

I've got loads to add tonight, so I'll start with Halloween. Yes, I know it's a few days gone now, but as evidenced by the triple-belated birthday post below, I'm generally a day late and a dollar short with everything I do. So alas, it is now November. The clocks have been changed, the leaves are falling, this photo now stares back at me from my calendar, and throughout it all, I've somehow managed to find the time to update properly. Away we go.

I spent this Halloween (or rather, the preceding weekend) in NYC. Michelle and I went to a party at a bar that her friend's roommate's boyfriend's roommate was throwing. Not quite sure how I ended up there. It was sort of like Six Degrees of Separation only without the Will Smith. However it happened, it was a great time! I dressed as Strawberry Shortcake and Michelle wore my Tinkerbell costume that, after having tried it on again this year, I can safely say that I had no business wearing at 30 lbs. heavier than I am now. Could no one have stopped me?

Anyway, we also went to the party with Jordan, who made a stunning Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, Heather the totally radical 80's girl, and her husband Joe, who went as a Surgeon, complete with "nightstalker blood" (more on that later!). Rather than ramble, I'll just produce the photographic evidence. A picture IS worth a thousand words, after all.


The odd thing about this photo is that in "real life" Michelle is a mere 3 inches taller than me, so I'm not quite sure what's going on here. I look so short next to her that it almost looks photoshopped.


Same here. Although Strawberry Shortcake was also as flat as a board, so I suppose accuracy isn't a strong point in these photos.


Tink and Dorothy strike a pose.


The incredibly hilarious "FatBat"


His much slimmer sidekick.


It's amazing how these once innocent characters can be so defamed in seconds.


Tinkerbell with a Bud Light? What would Peter Pan have to say about this!!


Oz Meets "Heathers"


The night truly begins.


There's a story behind this picture. Michelle and I are posing here with the blood that Joe bought for his surgeon costume. What you unfortunately can't see is that the packaging says "Blood for Nightstalkers -- Flows, Dries, and Thickens just like real blood!" Forget how "real" it is... why is it specifically for "Nightstalkers"? Seems like quite the niche market they're targeting there.


Britney and Kevin


A very clever and well done Zack Morris with Tinkerbell.


"Sexiest Costume" nominees. Note the "condom" on the end. He had a hula hoop at the bottom and everything.


Eagerly awaiting the announcement of the winner. Condom looks pretty confident. (For the record, Dorothy and I were the finalists. Go us!)


Sexy biotches.


Note how realistic "Britney" is.


As the night's end is nearing, Miss Shortcake is looking more and more ready to go.

After the party, Tinkerbell and I headed to a diner to pig out. On the way home a cab pulled over and the creepy driver leaned out the window and said "Free cab ride girls... Free... Free...". Yeah... um... no thanks (even if we weren't only 2 blocks from the apartment). That's the type of scenario where you end up in the East River.

Anyway, it was a great night and I met loads of cool new people. I'd say the only thing missing from the party was this:



For the record, I think Nicky looks pretty cute. Paris on the other hand... well, she just looks like she's on a normal night out. And what is up with the shoes? I guess that's what heiress cavegirls wore.

Anyway, I'd post more pics but it's taking me forever and I've got loads more updating to do! For now, here's just a few more for your viewing pleasure! Click to enlarge! Enjoy!













Thanks to Dorothy and Batgirl for the pics!