Sunday, January 29, 2006

The Bachelor: Brain Rotting Cespool or Wicked Entertainment?


Definitely both.

Let's face it. The Bachelor is near useless show. Always has been. The girls are catty, vicious, (if not flat out insane) and fall in love WAAAAY too quickly. The guys are usually moron man-whores who just try and take whatever they can get. No one ever comes away with a wife. I'll even be the first to admit that we all probably lose a few brain cells after watching each episode. Like I said, near useless.

The reason I say "near useless" as opposed to "a flat out waste" is because the show does serve one purpose... that that is to ENTERTAIN THE SHIT OUT OF ME. I love choosing my favourite and rooting her on to the end (Estella, are you listening? You were my girl!). I love to pick out the bitches whom I love to hate and revel in the deliciousness of them not getting a rose. I love watching the whiny loser dorks who will never get a man as long as they live, and even more, the complete maniacs who probably had men but scared them away! I love the sappy ones who fall in love within a day and swear they're broken-hearted forever, and will never love like that again (well, at least until he following season... I'm looking at you, Mary). I love the awkward moments of meeting the families. And most of all, I love the wrap up shows where it all comes together into one big he said-she said trash fest, wrought with name calling and jealousy. Me loves it.

Anyway, this season's Bachelor in Paris is no different.So far I've loved every minute of it. I've picked my fave(s) as well as my loathed and I'm ready to watch it all go down. I'd like to share with you my thoughts about the remaining six girls (that's right, from 25 to 6 in 3 weeks). There's no real point in it, but I thought it'd be fun!

#1 Susan

My fave. She's my girl for this season and I think, at least for right now, that Travis agrees. She seems sweet and down to Earth. She doesn't talk smack on any of the other biotches, and she's by far the prettiest. He'd be crazy not to pick her! I was so happy that she got the first kiss not only because she deserved it, but because it was like a symbolical bitch-slap in the face of Sarah Canada (see below). I've got my fingers crossed for this one.

#2 Sarah Canada

I HATE this ho. She's soooooooooooo annoying!! Unfortunately, I think that she's a VERY close second to Susan in Travis' eyes, and if Susan doesn't tread carefully, she could quickly be ousted by this moron. Ever since she got that first rose on the first night, she's thought she was the shit. Watching her try and get Travis to kiss her was like trying to watch a bratty kid trying to get their mom to give them a cookie, only dirtier. Travis thought her persistence was "so adorable." I thought it was nauseating. Listening to her bitch that she didn't get the rose over Tara in Champagne made me want to kill her. I LOVED it when she found out that Susan got the first kiss, even though she bitched about that too. ANNOYING.

Oh, and to top it off? Not that cute.

Basically, I think my friend Ryan put it best:

"I can't wait for that idiot from Winnipeg to be ousted. I relish their peril. "

#3 Tara

Another annoying one, but I still think she's roughly in third place about now for Travis. She's a cute redhead with a good body, but I think that would be all she'd have to offer to him. First of all, did anyone ever noticed that she's always slurring in her little interviews like she's had WAY too much to drink? And second of all, I hate the way she hunts Travis down whenever he steps out of sight with another girl.

"Where's the baaaaaaaaaaaachelooooooooooooor?"

UGH!! Finally, I hate the way she makes false allies out of whichever girls aren't off with Travis somewhere.

"Let's go find the baaaaaaaaaaaaaaacheloooooooooooooor! Come on!"

Run Travis, run.

Ryan's view? "I also wouldn't mind baggin the redhead moron from San Diego."

Yeah, that about sums her up.

#4 Jehan

I actually like Jehan. She's my second pick after Susan, although I'm not sure she's realy standing out to Travis. I mean, he did give her a rose on that rainy-rooftop date, and she's still around, but I'm not sure she's done anything to really shine. She hasn't even really done anything for ME to like her so much, other than not be as annoying as the others. I suppose being neutral works for not being hated by the viewing audience, but she has to step up her game if she wants to win some bachelor lovin'. I fear she'll be out soon, which is a shame because if Susan slips up and falls out of favour, there's no one else there that I'd even remotely like to see with him.

Let's keep our fingers crossed for Jehan to hang around!

#5 Sarah Tennessee

PLEASE someone put this girl out of her misery!! She's whiny and pathetic and there's no possible way she's winning this. In fact, I'd guess she's the shoo-in to go home next. She did more to stand out than Jehan, I think, but not in a good way. In fact, I highly doubt she'd still be around at all if she wasn't from Nashville... like Travis. He's got to give the convenient one a chance. I think he's a smart guy though, and after her little tangent about liking him "soooooooooooooooo much" (before being interupted by Tara, big shock) I think he's going to run like the wind.

Actually, he did give her a rose after that so maybe I'm completely wrong. Maybe she's going to walk away with this whole thing.

Ha... not.

Oh yeah, and is it just me, or is there something "off" with her eyes? I mean, there's no emotion there. Whether she's smiling or straight-faced, the eyes look the same. *Shudder*

*The Wild Card* Moana

I'm not really sure where Moana stands in all this. What I am sure of is that I despise her, and I'd like to give her a big slap. In fact, I'd hate to say that I'd rather Sarah Canada end up with Travis. She's a rotten game-playing bitch. First she's all "I don't do the whole 'dating a guy while he's dating other girls' thing" (um... did you think you were signing up for American Idol?) and she even pretended like she probably wouldn't accept a rose if he offered her one. That turned out to be complete bull.

Before the group date, she pretended like she could care less if she got picked. Her exact words I think were "I'm over it."

On the group date, she did a complete 180 and hogged 90% of his time, much to the dismay of the girls... mostly pathetic Sarah Tennessee and jealous drunken psycho Tara.

Also, she's not even a little tiny bit pretty. That doesn't help.

I think Travis is slightly more interested in her at this point, but I think her true colours will shine through soon enough. He'll think "Wow... she's ugly AND a phony whore. Bye!"

I REALLY hope she goes home, and soon. She can go be "cool" and "unaffected" somwhere else!

Anyway, those are my thoughts on the girls.

As far as Big Trav, I have to say that I really, really like him, and not just because he's adorable. I think he's by far the best catch of the Bachelor's I've seen (Bob and that other one who was a fisherman... shows how much of a mark he made on me). Travis is just so real. He doesn't seem to be playing these girls AT ALL. Bob or Fishmeran would have jumped on Sarah Canada's fawning and DEFINITELY kissed her. Travis made her wait. He's only kissed two of them at this point and both times I thought were totally appropriate. In addition, he seems genuinely sorry to send girls home and hurt their feelings. I never got that impression from the others. He even kept his cool and was a complete gentleman when looney Allie G started screaming about small boobs and $1500 a day, a feat that few would be able to pull off.

Forget his looks. Forget he's a doctor. He's just a great guy anyway.

Now if he'll just pick Susan, they'll live happily ever after and I'll be happy too! What more could anyone want??

Monday, January 23, 2006

You Can't Make It Up!

Well, I guess you could if you tried, but that's not the point.

The point is that you need to run, not walk, over to the official website of The Bloggies (think Oscars, blog-style) and vote for Michelle, of You Can't Make It Up fame.

Seriously, biotch is HILARIOUS, and as such, she's nominated for Funniest Blog.

You might think I'd be bitter that Marnie's World wasn't recognised for any of these prestigious awards (I could really use the $20.06, after all) but I'm cool. No really... don't worry about me. I'll be fine *Sniffle* Really. I'll just consider myself like Miss Congeniality or something.

Anyway, don't worry about whether or not I'm going to cry myself to sleep at night! Just make You Can't Make It Up the Brokeback Mountain of the Bloggies!!

And if my shameless plug doesn't do it, read Michelle's own plea.

If even that's not enough, Diddy and Fiddy have a message for you:

Now do it.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

MK Cleans Up

Okay, so I know as recently as yesterday I was talking smack on the Olsens, but I like to think of myself as the type who gives credit where its due, without bias.

And that is why I would like to say that at last night's Golden Globes, Mary Kate looked very cute and very classy. While I hardly approve of the use of a daytime purse with an evening gown, especially at a special event, I think the rest of the ensemble was one of the best looks of the evening, hands down. I'd like to see the stylish side of her come out more often!!

Well done, Mary Kate!

Vital Idol

Not to rip off the title of 1997 Billy Idol compilation, but it fits.

I need me some American Idol! Thankfully, season 5 starts tonight, so at least I timed my neediness well. Not that any season is ever going to top season two, or its runner up (Clay, call me!) but it also could never be quite as bad as season three. I like my Idols to be literate, thanks.

I'm actually debating whether or not to do an "Idol Watch" sort of thing on here. Not a recap thing really, because you can get those anywhere, but just an area where I can vent about the injustices each week (because come on, we know there's going to be some injustice!). I think I'll mull that one over for a bit and get back to you.

In the meantime, my bird flu is back so I'm going to go take any medicine I can find and get back into bed. I've got to be nice and spry by 8pm!

Monday, January 16, 2006

My Journey Thus Far

So how's everybody doing with their New Year's resolutions so far? I'm more than happy to tell you that, despite a billion obstacles, I'm doing really well with mine! Of course, only time will tell if my credit cards will be paid off when I'm hoping, but we'll leave that one 'til later!

For now, I've stopped biting my nails and they're looking so good that I love to show them off.

More importantly though, I've held fast to my "three times a week" rule for the gym, and I've been eating really healthy and in moderation (as hard as it is with the numerous desserts I encounter on my everyday travels).

Anyway, after my first week, there was a bit of a spanner in the works and, for whatever reason, I gained a pound (boo!!). However, my perseverance paid off after the second week, and I'm happy to say that of I'm weighing in a whole 2 pounds less! Woo hoo!!

Two pounds may be a slow start, but slow and steady wins the race! Incentive jeans, here I come!

Pretentious McSnobbypants and the Goblet of Assholery

Just please look at this photo of our dear Olsen twins shopping in West Hollywood. Now, a friend of mine has told me more than once how lovely and "unaffected" Mary-Kate is, which could well be true. Should I ever meet her one day and I find this is so, I will recant. However, in the meantime I ask you, have you ever seen anything more pretentious than this????

No wonder they caused me to lash out!!

Hollywood Twigs-a-Plenty

Does anyone remember a few months ago when I voiced my opinion that the press have been wholly unfair regarding Nicole Richie's weight?

Let me remind you.

For those of you who don't feel like clicking the link because it won't open in a new window and you'll lose your place, I'll give you a rundown. I know that Nicole is skinny. In fact, I know that she is only a shell of her former self. However, this is Hollywood, people! The place where the very most important thing is to be thin and pretty! Before Nicole lost the weight, she was referred to as Paris's chubbier, uglier sidekick. Now, try opening a magazine without seeing her, sans Paris, standing on her own feet as a cover girl, a spokesmodel, and a fashion icon. Some would say, a bigger star than Paris (not physically, of course!). She's cuter and certainly more likeable. So who cares if she's skinny?

First of all, don't try to tell me for even one second that Nicole doesn't look 10 times more beautiful now than she did before, even if only in her face...

Moreover, why does she get singled out as having an eating disorder when there are people who are just as thin who are considered beautiful and glamorous? In typical Marnie fashion, I offer you up this photographic evidence of the Hollywood double standard, complete with commentary...

Why is it that Mary-Kate has been touted as finally looking "healthy" while Nicole is "starving herself"?

All I see are equally skinny girls, with one having far better fashion sense and cleaner hair!

"Formerly rail thin" Lindsay looks great now, while Nicole "has bulimia"?

Not too much of a difference in poundage, as this picture clearly shows.

Nicky Hilton is "super sexy" but Nicole is "scary"?

Nicky's knee could poke your eye out, for God's sake!

Eva Longoria is "smoking hot" while Nicole is "disgusting"?

Pardon me if I don't see much of a difference. And I might take this opportunity to point out yet another blatant rip-off of Nicole's style!

And finally, in the most double-standardy of all double-standards, Teri Hatcher is the "hottest housewife" while Nicole "needs to eat something"?

At least Nicole is proportionate!

Leave her alone!!!!

Bye, Bai

Can someone please explain to me what Bai Ling has ever done to justify us having to look at her?


Tuesday, January 10, 2006

61 Candles

My main man Rod Stewart turns a ripe 61 today. Throughout my early adolescent years, I spent this day listening to his music for hours and hours on end, singing Happy Birthday to my posters... not that that's horribly tragic or anything. I've matured (a bit) since then, so this morning at work I heard "You Wear it Well" on 97.5 BENfm and that's just going to have to do. :-)

Anyway, here's wishing my former "future husband" a Very Happy Birthday!

Don't worry, Rod. You don't look a day over 59!

Monday, January 09, 2006

Mischa Breaks A Few Rules

1. Don't wear white after Labor Day.

2. For the love of God, change your feminine protection product regularly!


I feel a little sorry for her, but not sorry enough not to post the pics. And hell, at least she realised and changed!

Mighty Mouse

This is a true story.

So this 81 year-old man from New Mexico has a mouse in his house. After an indeterminate amount of time, man catches said mouse. Rather than simply putting the mouse outside or even using a conventional mouse trap, the man decides to toss the mouse onto a pile of burning leaves. Now, I'm not one for conventional mouse traps, but I'd even opt for one of those rather than cruelly throwing the mouse to burn to death like a heretic. It pissed me off when I heard that part of the story.

I think it pissed the mouse off too... and this is where it gets good.

A burning pile of leaves is no match for this mouse. Oh no. This mofo emerges from the flames, Terminator-style and runs BACK into the house, setting it ablaze, and burning it to the ground. No one was hurt (except the mouse, whom I'm sure didn't make it) but the man has lost all of his belongings and now is living in a motel room.

Now, when I read this story earlier, I was all for the mouse. I was cheering him on for combatting the man responsible for his cruel fate. However, now that I read that the man is 81 years old it makes me feel a bit sorry for him. Not sure why because it's still terrible what he did, but I karma might have taken things a step too far this time around.

But it still makes for a good story, so there you go!

Col-abrate, Good Times, Come On!

As you know, I spent this weekend celebrating Colleen's birthday. I'd be remiss if I didn't share a few pictures from the night. Enjoy!

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Happy Birthday, Col!

Tonight I'm heading out to celebrate the 26th birthday of my good friend and former college roommate, Colleen. Rather than whining about the fact that we're getting old, I'd like to take this opportunity to say Here's To You, Colleen... for you're a jolly good fellow!

Here's to the days of dancing on college housing dressers...

Dancing on Dressers

To the "What the hell were we thinking?" moments...

What were we thinking?

And rare moments of decorum (few and far between as they were)...

No Alcohol... Yet

Here's to... well, these moments...

No Shame

And to this one...

Asleep on the Subway Platform

But mostly, here's to you, Col! Happy 26th Birthday!!

Thursday, January 05, 2006

No Smiths Reunion? Well DUH!

NME has reported that former Smiths guitarist Johnny Marr has squashed rumours that the band would be reuniting at an upcoming Manchester charity gig.

The direct quote?

"The Smiths will not be re-forming at this concert."

Thing is, I'm fairly certain that when Morrissey said "The only way the four of us will ever be in the same room together is if you shoot us and drag in the corpses" he made the lack of a reunion abundantly clear.

But thanks for clearing it up, Johnny.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Slim Up and Save the Animals in 2006!

Feeling slightly gluttonous after the holidays? Want to shed some pounds and show some compassion at the same time?

Click here and enter to win a Vegetarian Weight Loss Kit courtesy of PETA!

Save the cows while feeling less like one yourself!

Come on... you know you want to.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy New Year!

Welcome to my first post of 2006! As you may have expected, this post has to do with resolutions. I don't know how you people are, but until last year, I generally never made any New Year's Resolutions, although I'm not sure why because when I put my mind to something, I'm usually pretty good at sticking with it.

Last year I vowed not to bite my nails anymore, and I stuck with that one until October! In fairness to me, I only bit them off because I got lost in Trenton and I was trying to keep from crapping myself. The lesser of two evils, if you ask me.

Anyway, these are my Top 3 Resolutions for this year:

1. I will not bite my nails.
(Let's see if we can at least make it to November this year!)

2. Barring some unforseen tragedy, I will work out a minimum of three times a week.
(Maybe I can finally get into those incentive jeans that have been sitting in my drawer untouched for 6 months!)

3. I will pay all of my current credit card debts off by the summer.
(I'm not sure how realistic this one is, but it gives me something to work for!)

There you have it, folks. Look for a slimmer, longer-nailed, more financially well-off Marnie in 2006!