Sunday, January 29, 2006

The Bachelor: Brain Rotting Cespool or Wicked Entertainment?


Definitely both.

Let's face it. The Bachelor is near useless show. Always has been. The girls are catty, vicious, (if not flat out insane) and fall in love WAAAAY too quickly. The guys are usually moron man-whores who just try and take whatever they can get. No one ever comes away with a wife. I'll even be the first to admit that we all probably lose a few brain cells after watching each episode. Like I said, near useless.

The reason I say "near useless" as opposed to "a flat out waste" is because the show does serve one purpose... that that is to ENTERTAIN THE SHIT OUT OF ME. I love choosing my favourite and rooting her on to the end (Estella, are you listening? You were my girl!). I love to pick out the bitches whom I love to hate and revel in the deliciousness of them not getting a rose. I love watching the whiny loser dorks who will never get a man as long as they live, and even more, the complete maniacs who probably had men but scared them away! I love the sappy ones who fall in love within a day and swear they're broken-hearted forever, and will never love like that again (well, at least until he following season... I'm looking at you, Mary). I love the awkward moments of meeting the families. And most of all, I love the wrap up shows where it all comes together into one big he said-she said trash fest, wrought with name calling and jealousy. Me loves it.

Anyway, this season's Bachelor in Paris is no different.So far I've loved every minute of it. I've picked my fave(s) as well as my loathed and I'm ready to watch it all go down. I'd like to share with you my thoughts about the remaining six girls (that's right, from 25 to 6 in 3 weeks). There's no real point in it, but I thought it'd be fun!

#1 Susan

My fave. She's my girl for this season and I think, at least for right now, that Travis agrees. She seems sweet and down to Earth. She doesn't talk smack on any of the other biotches, and she's by far the prettiest. He'd be crazy not to pick her! I was so happy that she got the first kiss not only because she deserved it, but because it was like a symbolical bitch-slap in the face of Sarah Canada (see below). I've got my fingers crossed for this one.

#2 Sarah Canada

I HATE this ho. She's soooooooooooo annoying!! Unfortunately, I think that she's a VERY close second to Susan in Travis' eyes, and if Susan doesn't tread carefully, she could quickly be ousted by this moron. Ever since she got that first rose on the first night, she's thought she was the shit. Watching her try and get Travis to kiss her was like trying to watch a bratty kid trying to get their mom to give them a cookie, only dirtier. Travis thought her persistence was "so adorable." I thought it was nauseating. Listening to her bitch that she didn't get the rose over Tara in Champagne made me want to kill her. I LOVED it when she found out that Susan got the first kiss, even though she bitched about that too. ANNOYING.

Oh, and to top it off? Not that cute.

Basically, I think my friend Ryan put it best:

"I can't wait for that idiot from Winnipeg to be ousted. I relish their peril. "

#3 Tara

Another annoying one, but I still think she's roughly in third place about now for Travis. She's a cute redhead with a good body, but I think that would be all she'd have to offer to him. First of all, did anyone ever noticed that she's always slurring in her little interviews like she's had WAY too much to drink? And second of all, I hate the way she hunts Travis down whenever he steps out of sight with another girl.

"Where's the baaaaaaaaaaaachelooooooooooooor?"

UGH!! Finally, I hate the way she makes false allies out of whichever girls aren't off with Travis somewhere.

"Let's go find the baaaaaaaaaaaaaaacheloooooooooooooor! Come on!"

Run Travis, run.

Ryan's view? "I also wouldn't mind baggin the redhead moron from San Diego."

Yeah, that about sums her up.

#4 Jehan

I actually like Jehan. She's my second pick after Susan, although I'm not sure she's realy standing out to Travis. I mean, he did give her a rose on that rainy-rooftop date, and she's still around, but I'm not sure she's done anything to really shine. She hasn't even really done anything for ME to like her so much, other than not be as annoying as the others. I suppose being neutral works for not being hated by the viewing audience, but she has to step up her game if she wants to win some bachelor lovin'. I fear she'll be out soon, which is a shame because if Susan slips up and falls out of favour, there's no one else there that I'd even remotely like to see with him.

Let's keep our fingers crossed for Jehan to hang around!

#5 Sarah Tennessee

PLEASE someone put this girl out of her misery!! She's whiny and pathetic and there's no possible way she's winning this. In fact, I'd guess she's the shoo-in to go home next. She did more to stand out than Jehan, I think, but not in a good way. In fact, I highly doubt she'd still be around at all if she wasn't from Nashville... like Travis. He's got to give the convenient one a chance. I think he's a smart guy though, and after her little tangent about liking him "soooooooooooooooo much" (before being interupted by Tara, big shock) I think he's going to run like the wind.

Actually, he did give her a rose after that so maybe I'm completely wrong. Maybe she's going to walk away with this whole thing.

Ha... not.

Oh yeah, and is it just me, or is there something "off" with her eyes? I mean, there's no emotion there. Whether she's smiling or straight-faced, the eyes look the same. *Shudder*

*The Wild Card* Moana

I'm not really sure where Moana stands in all this. What I am sure of is that I despise her, and I'd like to give her a big slap. In fact, I'd hate to say that I'd rather Sarah Canada end up with Travis. She's a rotten game-playing bitch. First she's all "I don't do the whole 'dating a guy while he's dating other girls' thing" (um... did you think you were signing up for American Idol?) and she even pretended like she probably wouldn't accept a rose if he offered her one. That turned out to be complete bull.

Before the group date, she pretended like she could care less if she got picked. Her exact words I think were "I'm over it."

On the group date, she did a complete 180 and hogged 90% of his time, much to the dismay of the girls... mostly pathetic Sarah Tennessee and jealous drunken psycho Tara.

Also, she's not even a little tiny bit pretty. That doesn't help.

I think Travis is slightly more interested in her at this point, but I think her true colours will shine through soon enough. He'll think "Wow... she's ugly AND a phony whore. Bye!"

I REALLY hope she goes home, and soon. She can go be "cool" and "unaffected" somwhere else!

Anyway, those are my thoughts on the girls.

As far as Big Trav, I have to say that I really, really like him, and not just because he's adorable. I think he's by far the best catch of the Bachelor's I've seen (Bob and that other one who was a fisherman... shows how much of a mark he made on me). Travis is just so real. He doesn't seem to be playing these girls AT ALL. Bob or Fishmeran would have jumped on Sarah Canada's fawning and DEFINITELY kissed her. Travis made her wait. He's only kissed two of them at this point and both times I thought were totally appropriate. In addition, he seems genuinely sorry to send girls home and hurt their feelings. I never got that impression from the others. He even kept his cool and was a complete gentleman when looney Allie G started screaming about small boobs and $1500 a day, a feat that few would be able to pull off.

Forget his looks. Forget he's a doctor. He's just a great guy anyway.

Now if he'll just pick Susan, they'll live happily ever after and I'll be happy too! What more could anyone want??

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