Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Shanks for the Memories

My brother recently bought a used car. Oh wait, sorry, that's not PC. I mean "pre-owned vehicle". Anyway, he was going through the trunk of the car today and, for one reason or another, he lifted up the spare tire and looked underneath and he found something.

I, of course, was blissfully unaware of any of this until he came to me and said "Marn, look what I found in the trunk of my car."

In the brief millisecond before lifting my head up to see what he had in his hand, a few things crossed my mind. A dead bird, an old bee's nest, a million dollars. You know, the usual. However, I could have sat and pondered the question all day, and I highly doubt that what it actually was would have ended up on my mind's list of possibilities.

It was this:

"Is that the end of a crutch with a kitchen knife shoved in it???", I hear you cry?

Why yes! Yes, it is!

Oh, I'm sorry, did you not get that?

It was a CRUTCH with a KITCHEN KNIFE shoved in it UNDER THE SPARE TIRE of my brother's pre-owned vehicle.

I don't think the term "What the f***?" ever moulded itself to a situation quite so nicely.

He's still not quite sure what he's going to do with it. I personally think he should contact the police and let them know, just in case it holds valuable DNA in some cold case somewhere. His trunk could be full of valuable fibers and skin cells that the killer lost while removing the lifeless body, murdered in cold blood, from the trunk, before dumping it into the Schuykill.

Then again, maybe I just watch too much Law & Order.

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