Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The Corpse Brides

Why do the Simpsons look like something straight out of a Tim Burton film?

Monday, September 25, 2006

God! ONE TIME You Mention Kathy Hilton's Camel Toe!

Many of you probably don't even remember the post (the brain mechanism that blocks out traumatic experiences has probably done just that), but a while back, I felt the need to let Kathy Hilton, madre de Paris, know that her show "I Wanna Be A Hilton" was awful, and that the tightness and high waist of her sweatpants weren't leaving much to the imagination when it came to her birthin' region. And in Disneyland, for God's sake.

If you're so inclined, you can brush up on the nonsense here:

Your Show Sucks And You Have a Camel Toe

Anyway, since then, one of the most popular keyword searches that brings visitors to my humble blog is, in fact, "camel toe." Usually people aren't too specific in whose camel toe they're looking for exactly, although the Olsen twins and Lindsay Lohan pop up more often than others. I often imagine the disappointment the unsuspecting (pervert) Googlers experience when they click the link, only to find a withered wannabe CT staring back at them, rather than a young starlet's.

Well skeevs, quit searching for nasty things. You won't find them here.

In a completely unrelated story...

Charlie's Angels is in now in syndication every night at 9pm on WPPX.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Modelling Clay

For the past few days, I've been observing how Clay Aiken has been looking a bit... well... womanly of late.

Let's review:

What's New With Clay Aiken?

What's Even Newer With Clay Aiken?

There's someone that he looks like, but I just can't put my finger on it. I thought perhaps it was KD Lang, but I don't think that's it.

Oh, man, come on... it's on the tip of my tongue!

Who could it be?


Oh yeah. Me.


PS This in no way changes the fact that I will be stopping at Best Buy after work tomorrow for his new CD. So there.

Cindy Crawford: Pimp

The following are pictures of Kaia Gerber, 5 year-old daughter of Cindy Crawford.

Oh, maybe you didn't hear me.

FIVE years old.

You know, as in, too young to be modelling topless with a faux lower-back tattoo? Yeah, that kind of five.

Is it just me, or is the world going to hell in a handbasket?

Monday, September 18, 2006

Beauty, Thy Name Is... Ashlee Simpson?!?!

Okay, so I've already mentioned how great I think Lip-Syncher Extraordinaire and Former Second Best Sister Ashlee Simpson looks with her new nose job -- I know that. I'm usually one to beat a dead horse anyway (Not really! Back off, Peta!) but I think in this case it's warranted so I'm going to mention it again.

Is it just me, or is Ashlee getting prettier and prettier as the days go on? I mean, I know a surgeon's knife can work wonders, but this is just amazing.

I know the peeps at Marie Claire were bashing her hardcore about how she told young girls to always be happy with themselves and how the bump in her nose "gave her character" or some crap like that, only to run off and have work done, but you know what? As right as they are, I'm sure Ashlee doesn't give a damn because biotch looks HOT. I wouldn't care either! I'd be all, "Yeah, so what if I'm a hypocrite? You'd still do me!"

All I know is that if I ever need to get any work done, I'm going to hunt this doctor down like a dog. He's a freaking miracle worker!

What's Even Newer With Clay Aiken?

Yup, still girlie.

No, like seriously. What's going on? I mean, we all know that adore Clay Aiken and I will most certainly be buying his new CD and playing it over and over, just as I did with the first one. But this is just getting a little crazy.

Maybe he didn't like all the comparisions to Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke? (See Claydiohead and You Heard It Here First!). Fair enough, but is looking like a more feminine version of KD Lang really that much better?

I'm not so sure.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

We Gonna Party Like It's Ya Birfday

Well, another year has gone by and my oldest friend Emily is turning 26 years old today.

We went out last night to Dave & Buster's to celebrate, where Emily got trashed on Mellontinis and various shots, and I enjoyed a few Bananas Foster Martinis. We all know how I love my Bananas Foster stuff, and these babies were no exception. Totes delish!

Anyway, Emily, here's hoping that the last part of your birthday goes great and you don't suffer the same woes I did as I hit the big 2-6!! Welcome over the hump!

In the meantime, the rest of you can enjoy these darling pics from last night...

Em and Me

Once more, with feeling!

Thursday, September 07, 2006

And You Thought You Had a Bad Week!

The Gods may be crazy, but they certainly have a sense of humour!!

Everybody's favourite penis playground, Paris Hilton, has had a VERY bad week!

It all started on Thursday, when Paris and her ridiculous hair were denied entrance to NYC hotspot Bungalow 8 after the VMAs. Paris, along with Sean "P Puff Diddy Daddy" Combs and Brandon "walking tub of Vaseline" Davis, were told that the club was "already full to capacity" prompting Hilton to cry. Yes, that's right. She couldn't get into a club and she CRIED. In fact, it's been that "She was sobbing and kept saying she was Paris Hilton and she didn't understand - all she wanted to do was dance!"

That is freaking brilliant.

The whole thing is that much sweeter because just a week before, Paris took great pleasure if watching her former partner-in-STDs, Tara Reid, be denied entrance to Hyde, while she floated on by without incident. Oh Karma, you do make the world go round!

As if this photo isn't gold enough, it gets so much better!

Just a few days later, it was revealed that UK 'guerilla artist' Banksy played a genius prank on Hilton and her "so good I cry when I listen to it" CD, "Paris". He apparently tampered with over 500 copies of the CD, replacing her "music" with his own remixes and hilariously changing the titles to things like "Why Am I Famous?" and "What Am I For?" (For the record, these questions still remain unanswered). The sleeve art was also changed to depict Paris with topless (who hasn't seen that?) and with a dog's head (ditto).

The CDs were replaced in approximately 48 stores across the UK. Not surprisingly, not one of the doctored copies was returned. Not one. I think a spokesman for HMV explained it best:

"And it might be that there will be some people who agree with his views on the Paris Hilton album."

You got that right, buddy. I suppose if I was a lesser human being, I could take this opportunity to point out that the "real" CD has sold a pathetic 75,000 copies in the US and far less abroad. Luckily for Paris, I'm not that cruel.

Oh wait.. yes I am. :-)

Haven't had enough yet? Because the best is yet to come!

Late last night/early this morning, Paris was... (hold on to your hats!)...

Arrested for a DUI! YAY!!!

It's about time this idiot had to pay for her reckless behaviour!

In typical Paris fashion, she completely downplayed the incident as another example of "people blowing things out of proportion" about her. Apparently she was just hungry after not having eaten all day, and "just wanted an In-N-Out Burger". I don't think I have to give any more details to make this story any funnier, but if you want to read all about it, you can check it out here.

In case you were wondering, she didn't cry this time.

Forgive me if I love this. Could it be the beginning of the end? For real this time? I thought for sure after Vanity Fair editor-in-chief Graydon Carter trashed her and blacklisted her from the much-coveted Vanity Fair post-Oscar party that her downward spiral would be imminent, but clearly I was wrong. It was disappointing, but well worth the wait if this is the pay-off. Fingers crossed that it really happens now!

Au revoir, Paris.

What's New With Clay Aiken?

Well, apparently he's a woman now, for one thing.

Monday, September 04, 2006


I'm very, very sad to report that Steve Irwin, the zany, loveable guy also known as "The Crocodile Hunter" has been killed in a tragic accident with a stingray.

I was really upset to hear this news. Steve, while a maniac, seemed like a genuinely sweet, caring, down-to-earth human being who loved his family and animals passionately. My deepest condolences to his wife, Terri, and his two small children, Bindi and Bob.

It's really amazing how things happen. All the deadly, dangerous animals he constantly was wrestling with or throwing about, and he's killed by a usually non-deadly stingray. I suppose at the very least we can say he died doing something that he truly loved.

You will be missed, Steve Irwin! It is a sad, sad day. :-(

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Technology Never Ceases To Amaze Me

Micki brought this to my attention today:

Tesco Internet Phones

"Internet phones are the latest technology revolutionising the way we make home phone calls. They literally do what they say... they're phones that let you make all your calls using the internet†. And because they use the internet we don't have to pay other phone networks so we can pass the savings on to you. "

-FREE calls to other Tesco internet phone customers
-2p per minute to standard landlines in the UK, our top 25 countries and to mobile phones in the USA,
-Canada, China and Singapore
-Pay as you go
-FREE voicemail
-Clubcard Points

All that, and they deliver internationally!

Just one more reason why England is great.

An artistic representation of me using this service. That's me in the coat. The fur is fake.

Friday, September 01, 2006

I Have Truly Arrived!

Does anyone remember when Tom Cruise posted nasty comments on my blog after I relayed a simple opinion about Katherine McPhee of American Idol? Well, okay... so it wasn't Tom Cruise, but I like to imagine that it was because that's just hilarious. For those of you missed this particular peice of genius, you can catch up here. Dude was fired UP.

Well, folks -- it gets better. It would appear that some mega-fan has stumbled upon an old post of mine about American Idol's faux-rocker extraordinaire, Chris Daughtry. Around the time of this post, I got a record number of hits from people searching "Chris Daughtry Arrogant" which tells me I wasn't the only one who had this particular opinion. Anyhow, this particular fan brought my posting to the attention of the other loons on a particular Daughtry fan site and oh, the chaos that ensued! It's caused me to laugh myself into a quivering heap! I never realised how much insanity could be brought out by a little dissonance over an Idol contestant! Not since the Claymates have fans been so rabid! It's definitely a must-read!

First, you must go read the comments they left here.

Hilarious, right? But when Miss Thang went running back to the site (which will from here on in be known as "Dork Central") they really let loose! The original poster even said I need my humble pie shoved up my ass!!! Hahahahaha!! Loves it!! One girl also had the foresight to point out that the imagery I used was, in fact, a pecan pie and not a humble pie at all. Thanks, genius, I wasn't aware.

I was called a snot, a bitch, a mofo, and told to both "eat it" and go f**k myself! I was even dubbed "pecan/humble pie bitch" which is my own personal fave! I also seem to recall something about kissing a "hemroid" (sic) on Taylor Hicks' "plump ass" but I was laughing too hard to remember the quote exactly. They also called me an "SPer" which I can only assume is a "Soul Patrol" member. Hmm... not quite, but whatever.

The best part is that one of them commented to me that "name calling is immature".

So then one of the ringleaders brought up the brilliant idea to "spam the hell out of her blog". Replies she got included "is there a way? if so, I'm all over it!" and "there is a way to post a message about her bullshit rants. Just click on the "comments" link under the "article"" among others.

You've seen brilliance they posted. And boy were they proud of themselves!:

"I don't have a blogger acct so I had to leave an annonamous reply. Who the fuck said all that shit? What a bunch of shit."

"I left an annoymous one too!! EVERYONE DO IT!"

"I left her a couple of tasteful messages"

"I left my name. So did skeezer! Go skeezer! She's gonna soon find out she's screwing with the wrong DAUGHTRY."
Hahaha. Sorry ladies. If someone would kindly inform me which Daughtry I should be screwing with, I'll get right on it. Thanks.

They didn't all comment though. Oh no. One refused to post because she was "tired of arguing with ignorant Hicks fans" and another was (hilariously) "afraid of what she might say". *guffaw*

I'm surprised I haven't gotten any death threats! I look forward to that for tomorrow. The words "Get a Life" never rang so true! All this hoopla over a 4 month old post! I feel like Perez Hilton!

Spam away, ladies. As they say, any publicity is good publicity. ;-)

Editor's Note: Looks like being booted from Idol wasn't the last time Chris has been shafted. Click here for the best photo montage ever. (via defamer)

Bedknobs, Broomsticks, and Updates

What? I don't know. I needed a title.

Sorry for my absence of late. Lots of stuff going on in the busy life of Miss Marnie but I can't be letting the blog become the forgotten stepchild! Plus, you know what they say about absence!

So what's new in El Mundo de Marnie?

The Bad News:
I'm ill at the moment. I woke up this morning feeling under the weather... like miles under the weather and I had to stay home from work. I'm sure with it being Labor Day weekend and all, that looked really good to my boss, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Especially a girl with a very sore throat!

I was also supposed to spend some long overdue post-birthday QT with Kyle this weekend, but I had to put the kibosh on that as well. Then again, seeing as I was planning on taking him to a water park and good ol' Ernesto is slated to wreak havoc upon the East Coast, perhaps that's for the best as well. Waterslides and thunderstorms don't mix!

The Good News
It would appear that Tom 'Love of My Life' Chaplin, has sorted himself out, and all of the Keane shows that I have tickets to have been rescheduled, mostly for later in September. One of them's not until January now, but maybe that's better. Obsessive as I am, I should probably only have Keane in small doses. :-)

Considering doing something very cool in October as well, but more deets on that later. Should be good!

In the interim, I promise plenty more of the retarded celebrity goodness that I've been lacking of late! All systems go!