Everybody's favourite penis playground, Paris Hilton, has had a VERY bad week!
It all started on Thursday, when Paris and her ridiculous hair were denied entrance to NYC hotspot Bungalow 8 after the VMAs. Paris, along with Sean "P Puff Diddy Daddy" Combs and Brandon "walking tub of Vaseline" Davis, were told that the club was "already full to capacity" prompting Hilton to cry. Yes, that's right. She couldn't get into a club and she CRIED. In fact, it's been that "She was sobbing and kept saying she was Paris Hilton and she didn't understand - all she wanted to do was dance!"
That is freaking brilliant.
The whole thing is that much sweeter because just a week before, Paris took great pleasure if watching her former partner-in-STDs, Tara Reid, be denied entrance to Hyde, while she floated on by without incident. Oh Karma, you do make the world go round!
As if this photo isn't gold enough, it gets so much better!
Just a few days later, it was revealed that UK 'guerilla artist' Banksy played a genius prank on Hilton and her "so good I cry when I listen to it" CD, "Paris". He apparently tampered with over 500 copies of the CD, replacing her "music" with his own remixes and hilariously changing the titles to things like "Why Am I Famous?" and "What Am I For?" (For the record, these questions still remain unanswered). The sleeve art was also changed to depict Paris with topless (who hasn't seen that?) and with a dog's head (ditto).
The CDs were replaced in approximately 48 stores across the UK. Not surprisingly, not one of the doctored copies was returned. Not one. I think a spokesman for HMV explained it best:
"And it might be that there will be some people who agree with his views on the Paris Hilton album."
You got that right, buddy. I suppose if I was a lesser human being, I could take this opportunity to point out that the "real" CD has sold a pathetic 75,000 copies in the US and far less abroad. Luckily for Paris, I'm not that cruel.
Oh wait.. yes I am. :-)
Haven't had enough yet? Because the best is yet to come!
Late last night/early this morning, Paris was... (hold on to your hats!)...
Arrested for a DUI! YAY!!!
It's about time this idiot had to pay for her reckless behaviour!
In typical Paris fashion, she completely downplayed the incident as another example of "people blowing things out of proportion" about her. Apparently she was just hungry after not having eaten all day, and "just wanted an In-N-Out Burger". I don't think I have to give any more details to make this story any funnier, but if you want to read all about it, you can check it out here.
In case you were wondering, she didn't cry this time.
Forgive me if I love this. Could it be the beginning of the end? For real this time? I thought for sure after Vanity Fair editor-in-chief Graydon Carter trashed her and blacklisted her from the much-coveted Vanity Fair post-Oscar party that her downward spiral would be imminent, but clearly I was wrong. It was disappointing, but well worth the wait if this is the pay-off. Fingers crossed that it really happens now!
Au revoir, Paris.