Friday, March 31, 2006

Spare the Rod, Spoil the Idol *

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww yeah!!

I've just heard through the grapevine that Rod Stewart is supposed to be guest hosting on an upcoming American Idol! Two of my favourite things in one place. It's going to be great.

Actually, it's not going to be that great, because apparently the contestants are picking songs from his Great American Songbook collection which I dislike so greatly that I never even bought any of them (and that'd have been blasphemous in the past). Still better than nothing, though.

Here's hoping they change their minds and let the kids bust out with some "Do You Think I'm Sexy" or some "Tonight I'm Yours".

Because you know what? That would be the hottest. shit. ever.


Ace Young ain't got shit on this.

*I know I used some form of that saying for a title in the past, but whatever. It works.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

I Hate You Too

One of the things I love to do regarding this site is to check up on who comes here, how they got here, and where they're from. I find it all very interesting. My absolute fave is the "keyword search". I've had some real doozys since the inception of this site. In addtion to the ones I mentioned recently, I've had things like:

"world sexiest boob" and "your extension cord wouldnt reach that far artist"

Umm... what the hell does that mean? (For the record, both were searched via Yahoo. Not quite sure what that means, but I'm sure it holds some relevance)

This week, a search of "Nicole Richie's camel toe" was far too abundant for my liking (the only camel toe you'll find here is Kathy Hilton's, thank you very much!) and "Ashley Olsen nude" was a biggie, as usual. Surprisingly, the most popular search involved Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson, so thanks for that Casey, even if you are the heir to a no-good animal testing bastard of a company.

Anyway, none of those were my favourite searches of the week. These beauties hold that honour:



I haven't talked about Wal-Mart hicks in quite a while, but it's good to see it still gets me some hits.

As far as my disease, you didn't specify which one.

No, Kelly Clarkson biggest butt is definitely not fair. I hear you on that one, buddy. (????)

Not quite sure why that last searcher had to specify "ugly" 3 times and "plain" twice, yet "naked" only once. I almost want to run that person's IP and hunt him down so I can ask him (because you so totally know that was a guy searching that).

Anyway, my very favouritest search of the week was made this morning at 11:38am. I will now share it with you, care of Site Meter:



Well, random person in Hampshire, Shawford, UK, I hate you too. So there.

Somebody Get This Kid An Agent!!

If there is any justice in this world, this little girl will one day rule the world.

TOO FREAKING CUTE.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Best. Quote. EVER.

Oh Morrissey, Morrissey, Morrissey. You have truly outdone yourself this time.

As we know, Mr. Moz is none too keen on the idea of ever having a Smiths reunion. He's had some great quotes on the subject before, but none was ever as great as this quote he made recently to Uncut magazine:

"I would rather eat my own testicles than reform The Smiths, and that's saying something for a vegetarian."
Oh, sweet Jesus, that is hilarious. The UK's Daily Mail has some more hilarious excerpts from the Uncut article here.

Monday, March 27, 2006

No Thank You

Ouch. Looks like my boys took a bit of a critical beating recently...

Duran Duran's 1995 Cover Album "Thank You" Voted Worst Album of All Time By Q Magazine
"...it is 54 minutes and 29 seconds of pure hell."

"...Public Enemy's "911 is a Joke" - originally an angry diatribe by militant rappers about the treatment of the black underclass in the US, which lost its power when performed by a group of middle-class white boys from Birmingham."

"Sometimes these things are redeemed by some sort of kitsch or novelty value, but it didn't even have that. It's not funny for even a split second and not even the sort of thing that you would put on for a laugh if you were drunk."

"It is abysmal on every level, as befits an album where you have Simon Le Bon trying to cover Public Enemy."


Geez! It's not THAT bad!!

Only Nick Seems Unaffected By the News

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

As if Missing Live 8 London Wasn't Bad Enough...

Now I have to miss this too...

Morrissey, Keane, Radiohead, and loads more, all in one place at one time?

NO FAIR.


Moz shows me no sympathy.

On a happier note, you can stream Morrissey's new CD "Ringleader of the Tormenters" here.

In stores April 4th.

Worst Pic of Haylie Duff Ever.

And that's saying something.



From HollywoodTuna.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Sweet Lord, Someone Kill Me

HILTON: 'DOHERTY IS MY GREATEST INFLUENCE'

Hotel heiress PARIS HILTON cites PETE DOHERTY as her muse for her upcoming musical effort later this year (06).

The 25-year-old socialite, who is releasing an album on Warner Music, was desperate to meet the troubled rocker at the Brit awards (15FEB06), but he managed to avoid her.

She says, "My main influences are THE BABYSHAMBLES (sic), KEANE and MADONNA.

"I wanted to meet Pete Doherty when I was in the UK for the Brits but he wasn't at any of the parties."
Do Pete, Keane, and Madonna know about this? Because in that case, I'm sure they're feeling much like I was when I read it.


What I imagine Pete Doherty's face to look like upon hearing this news.

From ContactMusic.com

Monday, March 20, 2006

Jesus Walks in Brooklyn

Hurry on over to Alistair Appleton's brilliant blog, Do Buddhists Watch Telly? to read his excellent entry Jesus Walks in Brooklyn, his review of Dave Chappelle's Block Party.

Always thought-provoking, Mr. Appleton has a way of writing things that make you question your own intelligence. He's just a really interesting, intriguing person and his thoughts are always worth reading.

Oh yeah, and in that particular entry he says "...this party in the summer of 2004 on the corner of Quincy and Downing in Bed-Stuy, was the SHI-IT."

If you watch Cash in the Attic (the far superior English version, that is) you'll know how funny that is! LOVE it.

What are you still doing here?



Previous Alistair Appleton-related entries:

Cute and Poignant at the Same Time
Where's the Penguin Sex?

Three's a Crowd, Seven's Just Way Too Many.

According to Digital Spy, my beloved Rod Stewart and his fiancee Penny Lancaster are looking to be parents again.

Fiona Edwards (whoever that is) reports:

"Rod Stewart's fiancee Penny Lancaster has revealed that they are planning for another baby, making this their second together and Rod's eighth. The couple had their first baby, Alistair Wallace, in November last year and Lancaster has now revealed that they may be ready for their second child. Lancaster is quoted on Contactmusic.com as saying: "We've talked about baby number two.""
First of all, once again the papers are giving Rod an extra kid. Another baby would make it Rod's 7th, not 8th. Not sure why EVERY publication insists on doing that. All that aside, I hope this isn't true. We know I love me some Rod, but come on, it's time to think of the children! He's 61 now. Doesn't he want to see his kid's graduate from college? (Or at the very least, be famous for being his child and nothing else?)

Just because you can physically still have kids doesn't mean you should!

Enough!


The Stewart Children, minus baby Alastair.

Edited to Add:

HOLY CRAP! I stand corrected! Look what I found from RodStewartFanClub.com:

"Who is Sarah Thubron?
Sarah is actually Rod's first daughter. He never denied this, although hardly anybody knew that he had a child when he was 18. Sarah was born in 1963. Rod actually sings about her on 1970's "Gasoline Alley" in a song called "Jo's Lament" : "You bore my child then I left you aside. I don't expect you to forgive...". If this is autobiographical or not has yet to be proven. "

Hardly anybody knew! You ain't kidding! At 12 years old (okay, and slightly beyond), I prided myself on knowing everything there was to know about this man! I can't believe this piece of knowledge escaped me! I'm in shock.

But it gets worse:
(from TheMirror.co.uk)

"Sarah Thubron, the secret daughter [Rod] never sees, she was born following a year-long romance with art student Susannah Boffey. Now 41, she married a Tesco delivery man last year. In 1995, Rod said of Sarah: "You can count her if you want. I try not to.""
Ouch. That's harsh.

I can't believe I didn't know he had another kid. What kind of fan am I? :-)

And just because I'm thorough, here's a photo of the lovely Sarah:


There's absolutely NO denying that's Rod's kid. That's a Stewart mug for sure!

Which brings me to another point. If your eldest child is technically old enough to be a grandmother herself (albeit, a young one) it's time to stop spawning your own children. Thanks.

All pictures from sky.com

Simon Gets Studious

Friday, March 17, 2006

Still Keen on Keane!

AHHH!!! WHY do I love Keane so much??

Comcast On Demand has this 2 part documentary on them this month, and I'm not ashamed to admit I've watched it more than once. They are just so adorable and so massively talented. I love, love, love them! They're "my thing" right now.

And for the record, not to wish any ill will on them, but I do hope that they don't become as popular over here as they are abroad because that will ensure they always play intimate venues and then me and my psychosis will be able to access them more easily.

I swear, my obsessive tendencies are really going to do me in one of these days.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Seriously... What is Going On Here?

A while back, I speculated that if Lindsay Lohan were to gain weight, that she may end up looking a little like Kelly Osbourne. This may seem preposterous, but in typical Marnie style, I offered up some photographic evidence to support my case.

Pretty good, right?

Anyway, what I didn't bank on was that if Kelly lost weight, she'd end up looking a little like Nicole Richie! Check out these recent pics of Miss O. taken at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony this weekend. Can you believe it???

I did see Kelly in person a little over a year ago at one of Morrissey's parties in London (careful not to be hit by dropping names there) and I have to admit she was much cuter in person. Her skin was absolutely flawless. However, these pics go above and beyond anything I'd ever have given her credit for. Whether it's the work of a plastic surgeon's knife (body wise -- it's the same face) or just a matter of good old fashioned diet and exercise I'm totally blown away!



MAD props to you, girl. You look FANTASTIC.

Extreme Makeover: The Osbournes

Are these even the same people????



They look great. I don't know who their stylist is, but sign me up!

Monday, March 13, 2006

Shunned Paris Seeks Tummy Tuck

There have been several reports in the past few days of Paris Hilton going to the Modern Institute of Plastic Surgery and Anti-Aging in search of a tummy tuck. Maybe she thinks it will get her back onto the party circuit. :-)

Anyway, people seem to be up in arms about it, but I don't really care. She can nip and tuck until the cows come home. She'll still be a Butter Face. However, there is one thing that I'd really like to know.

Why do her sweatpants have belt loops?

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Does Paris Hilton Have Herpes?


Umm... yeah, I'd say that's about right.

Read all about it at The Superficial

Friday, March 10, 2006

It's A Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod World

As I've mentioned many, many, many, many times on this site, I spent the majority of my life as a Rod Stewart-aholic. I was as obsessed with him as much as one human being can be obsessed with another. Remember this? Yes. THAT obsessed. Throughout the past... I'd say... 3 years or so, however, I kind of started to fall off the Rod wagon a bit, as I'm not a big fan of the old standards he's been doing (not to mention, the last album he put out before he started The Great American Songbook series, called Human, did nothing for me. Nothing.) I still love his old stuff, of course. I just wasn't quite as ridiculous as I once was, and I opted out of formally celebrating a lot of the little milestones that I once would have.

However, I must admit that I had a bit of a relapse this morning. As I was in the car taking Simon to the Vet's office, whatever radio station I had on was doing this thing where they would play a remake of a song, then play the original. They started off this set with Rod's version of "How Long" by Ace. This song, which came off of the Tonight I'm Yours album (one of my faves), was never released as a single, thus, in all my years spent fawning over Mr. Stewart, I'd never once heard it played on the radio. I got so excited! It immediately brought me back to my prepubescent years, when I would get giddy to hear "Downtown Train" in the supermarket, or the Musak version of "You're in My Heart" in an elevator. It was very weird. I even idled in the parking lot until the song was over.

In an odd twist of fate, a bit later when I headed back out for more errands, I turned on the car to find "Do You Think I'm Sexy?" blaring on the same station. When I switched on my iPod, "Some Guys Have All the Luck," "Lost in You," and "My Heart Can't Tell You No" bam-bam-bam -- right in a row!! "My Heart Can't Tell You No" was actually the song that initiated my insane love for Rod lo those many years ago, so that made the whole thing even weirder.

By the time I got back from running errands (we're talking 30 minutes tops), I'd heard 7 Rod Stewart songs, which almost never happens.

Why am I telling you all this? Not sure really. Although while I'm at it, I should add that this month actually marks 14 years since "the beginning." *pretends she doesn't know the exact date when she clearly does, as it was one of those aforementioned formerly celebrated milestones* I guess it was just funny and slightly odd and I felt compelled to share.

I'm odd like that. :-)



Here's to 14 more years, Rod!

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Graydon Carter Blacklist Wish List

Now the Graydon Carter has gotten the ball rolling on the demise of Paris, I have a few new challenges for him. These overrated peeps have seen their day and he's the one person who can finalize it!

Top 10 Celebrities I Wish Graydon Carter Would Blacklist Next
10. Beyonce Knowles
9. Eva Longoria
8. Kristin Cavallari (and anyone else from Laguna Beach attempting to make a name for themselves outside of that show)
7. Kim Stewart
6. P. Diddy
5. Sienna Miller
4. J-Lo
3. Star Jones
2. TomKat
1. Jessica, Ashlee, and Joe Simpson (They're a package deal, aren't they?)

If anyone is wondering about the absence of Britney Spears on this list, I ask you... do you think she needs anyone else's help at this point in doing herself in?

Come on, Graydon... make 2006 your year!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

The End is Near!

The end of Paris Hilton and her Reign of Terror, that is! And I could not be happier!!

As you may or may not know, there is no bigger, more coveted event than the Vanity Fair post-Oscar party. Anyone who's anyone is there, and this year, a certain "anyone" was very noticeably missing -- Miss Thang herself, Paris Hilton.

While I'm not the first, let me be another in commending Vanity Fair editor-in-chief Graydon Carter for being the first person with "celebrity pull" to not only stand up and say "Paris Hilton sucks" but to also put his money where his mouth is and take her down a social notch. It was long overdue and, I believe, the first of many upcoming snubs for the idiot heiress and her ridiculously inflated ego.

Like popular girls in high school trying out a risky new fashion, he's paved the way for others to follow suit without having to worry about what people will say. He's opened the door for everyone who matters to say what they really feel. That is, she's completely talentless and totally undeserving of the sick amount of attention she's gotten over the past few years. I welcome with open arms, the end of her overextended 15 minutes of fame.

Graydon Carter, you are my hero.

Paris? Peace out, biotch.



P.S. Nicole Richie was allowed in! Wooo hooo!!!!!!

Paris Hilton Banned From Vanity Fair Party

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Natalie Portman: Bad Ass Bitch

If you missed Saturday Night Live last night, then you also missed just one more reason why I love, love, love Natalie Portman.



From SNL and You Tube.

Socialite Wars: Attack of the Clones

When someone says the words "heiress" or "socialite" there are two people that most likely spring to mind:


The Hiltons.
Everyone knows them and what they look like. Tall, thin, blonde, tanned girls who are always decked out in the finest designer clothes. Anyone could pick them out of a crowd. That is, unless that crowd was full of other heiresses and socialites. Why?

THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME.

Many of you probably can't name a lot of other heiresses off the top of your head, mostly because the Hiltons have pretty much taken over the world, and the others don't have a chance to make a name for themselves outside of Society pages. But I'm telling you, they all look like clones of eachother. It's like that movie "Village of the Damned" only this time, Dior and Cavalli are involved.

Have a look for yourself...


Victoria and Vanessa Traina, daughters of novelist Danielle Steele.
These two have the heiress look down pat, right down to the little dog. In fact, they almost look like 2 girls who have dressed as the Hiltons for Halloween.


Lydia and Amanda Hearst, daughters of Patty and heiresses to William Randolph Hearst's Publishing Empire
While Lydia has a slight 'Jodie Foster' thing going on, these two still fit the heiress bill quite nicely. Two more Hilton clones.


Ivanka Trump, daughter of Donald and Ivana
Tall? Check. Blonde? Check. Tan? Check.


Holly Branson, daughter of Richard, and heir to the $1.6 billion Virgin fortune.
This one is slightly different in that she's studying to be a pediatrician and make a name for herself outside of daddy's money. Even so, tall, blonde, tan... bit of an Anna Kournikova vibe.


Tinsley Mortimer, wife of oil heir, Topper Mortimer
More a socialite than an heiress really, but no doubt her children (who will be the heirs) will be as tall, blonde, thin, and tanned as she is. Definitely worthy of a "Is that Paris Hilton?" double-take.


Casey Johnson, heiress to Johnson & Johnson pharmeceuticals.
Slightly less tanned and tall than the others, but still thin, blonde, and dressed in the most expensive clothes money can buy. They didn't exactly break the mould with this one.


Camila Al Fayed, daughter of Mohamed, owner of London's famed Harrod's department store.
Not blonde, but that's all she's lacking in the heiress look. Slap a blonde wig on her and she'd be interchangeable with any of the others. Also, I expect this one to be hitting the American tabloid scene in the near future. You heard it here first.


Alexandra and Theodora Richards, daughters of Rolling Stone Keith.
I don't think I even have to say anything. The pic speaks for itself. They even come in a pair like the Hiltons, Trainas, and Hearsts.

And finally...


Alexandra Von Furstenberg, daughter of "duty-free" tycoon Robert W. Miller and daughter-in-law of designer Diane.
The oldest of the bunch, but still rocking 'heiress-chic" from head to toe. All of the above girls can look at her and know they're looking into their future.

Creepy isn't it? It's like an epidemic or something. Oh well. At least we know that if Paris and Nicky happen to fall off the face of the Earth, there are plenty of others waiting to take their place!

God help us all.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Calling All Star Jones Fans

If you really exist.

I beg of you, please come forward and answer me one question.

WHY?

What is it about this woman that makes her worthy of fandom? Fat, thin, or somewhere in between, I do not see one iota of appeal there. I can even understand the appeal of Paris Hilton more than I can Ms. Jones.

So for the love of God, someone... anyone, come forward and give me one good reason why Star Jones does not deserve to be removed from our television screens and magazine pages forevermore... and then slapped for good measure. But please do it quickly, because I'm finding it difficult to continue with my everyday duties with this hanging over my head. *



*I welcome answers to the same question regarding Kevin Federline and Haylie Duff. Thanks.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Actions Speak Louder Than Words, Sienna

July 2005:

Sienna Miller says she has cleared out her closet because she regrets her past fashion decisions. She adds:
"I used to have horrible style... I was mental so you're lucky I've changed!"
February 2006:

Sienna Miller wears this:



We sure are lucky she's changed.