Tuesday, April 25, 2006

It's That Time Again

That's right... time to check the site statistics!



1. Twenty-three people actually care about this guy? For the record, I wasn't even really talking about him. I was talking about how his socialite wife looks like every other socialite out there.

2. Two things disturb me about this. The first is the search itself. 'Nuff said. The second is the fact that I highly doubt 13 people mistakenly added the "\" in their search, which can only mean that the same person searched this 13 times and clicked the link to my site... 13 times. Way to go, sicko. Oh by the way, I never talked about her boobs.

3. That's just hilarious.

4. Woo hoo! Rod Stewart's illegit daughter garnering me two hits! Go girl.

5. Who's she? ;-)

Not as detailed as before, I know, but I'm tired and stressed. Soz.

Related posts:

It's Good to Know Why People Come Here

I Hate You Too

My Week So Far...

Can pretty much be summed up by one photo:



Someone please help me.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Your Bologna Has a Last Name and It's GAFFIGAN!

On Friday night I went to see super ultra hilarious comedian Jim Gaffigan live at the Trocadero in Philly. I've listened to his CDs The Last Supper and More Moo Moos literally hundreds of times, but the shit never gets old. Ever. I was crying with laughter within seconds of him hitting the stage.

Head on over to his website, JimGaffigan.com, and I promise you won't be sorry. Spend a few minutes there and I'm sure you'll be buying his CDs in no time. He's that good. Oh, and sign up for his mailing list because an email from Jim is always a treat in your inbox.

On top of everything, he's a SUPER nice guy. A few great photos from that night will be coming soon. In the meantime, you can just enjoy these beauties from meetings past:



If you do know who he is and you're interested in seeing him yourself, go see if he's coming to your area soon. For those of you in the New York/New Jersey/Philadelphia area, he'll be at the Borgata in AC on July 15th. The 9pm show is sold out but they've added a midnight show. I cannot stress enough -- GO!!!!

In the meantime, here's a snippet of his pure comic genius!


Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Even Vegetarians Can Eat Crow

Okay, I speculated last night (and once before) that the American Idols singing Rod Stewart's versions of the "old standards" was going to suck.

I was SO wrong.

What a fantastic show! I wanted to write this last night, but the conscientious side of me knew that I had to get up in the morning and put it off. Better late than never, I suppose.

That was definitely the best Idol episode ever. Like... of all 5 seasons. I spent the entire day yapping about it to my co-workers. I had no idea the critics were saying the same. Sure, I might be slightly biased with the Rod thing and all, but really, the Idols themselves were superb! Even Ace, whom I'm normally wholly unimpressed by, did a great job. However, as I find often happens on the show, after weeks of sucking, just when someone finally does well is when they finally get voted off (I'm looking at you Sway Penala and Kevin Covais!) and that was the case with Mr. Young. Not overly sorry to see him go, but it's a shame that the week he stepped it up had to be the week.

But anyway, back to Rod.

How funny and charming was he? It reminded me of the days when I would come home from school and watch videos of him for hours (one of which, appropriately titled "The Rod Stewart Concert Video" was the one that they showed most of the footage from last night) and dream of the day we would be married.

And does he have the cutest baby in the world, or what? Don't even try it, Suri Cruise, you're no match for little Alastair!

So yeah, anyway, great night. I still contend that a show full of true Rod stuff would have been awesome, but according to tonight, we'll get that next year, and I can wait. Right now I'm quite content to revel in this week's magnificence.

The only thing that would have made it better is if Paris was the one to go. I know, I know. Great singer... whatever. If you ask me, a little humility goes a LONG way. Someone should tell her that. In fact, someone should tell everyone named Paris that.

Monday, April 17, 2006

American Hot Rod

I know. Corny title, but just be happy I didn't use the "spare the/spoil the" pun again, right?

Anyway, I still don't quite have my wits about me after my week with Fliss (and the post-visit illness that hit me yesterday -- not cool) so I'm not back into the full-on blogging for the week yet. However, how TOTALLY remiss would I be not to mention that tomorrow night begins Rod Stewart Week on American Idol? I mentioned it as a possibility before, but now it's happening for real.

I'm still holding onto the hope that the contestants don't HAVE to pick from the Great American Songbook series, but I'm pretty sure I'm not that lucky. I should take this opportunity to go off on a tangent about how, by singing those songs, it's not really Rod Stewart night as much as "Old Standards" night, but I guess I should just take what I can get.

So... yeah... um... I guess that's all. Not sure what else to say other than... watch it?

Saturday, April 08, 2006

The British are Coming!!

So, I know I haven't updated much since the missing shank incident but I've been working like an animal (today included... SATURDAY!!) with a hellish commute to boot. When I get home at the end of the day I'm tired and cranky and not much up for a-bloggin'. Sorry.

I hope you kind of got used to it though, because there's going to be very little blogging for the next week as well. In addition to being a working girl, the lovely Felicity will be visiting our humble shores so I'll be busy enteraining her British ass.

Unfortunately, we're both skint biotches so we won't exactly be living it up, but I'm sure we'll find something to do to have fun.

Good thing we both have a lax idea of what constitutes "fun". American Idol and take-out sure sounds good to me. :-)

So anyway, I'll try to update once or twice, but if not, I'll see y'all in a week!


What do you mean this isn't your idea of fun?

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Shanks for the Memories

My brother recently bought a used car. Oh wait, sorry, that's not PC. I mean "pre-owned vehicle". Anyway, he was going through the trunk of the car today and, for one reason or another, he lifted up the spare tire and looked underneath and he found something.

I, of course, was blissfully unaware of any of this until he came to me and said "Marn, look what I found in the trunk of my car."

In the brief millisecond before lifting my head up to see what he had in his hand, a few things crossed my mind. A dead bird, an old bee's nest, a million dollars. You know, the usual. However, I could have sat and pondered the question all day, and I highly doubt that what it actually was would have ended up on my mind's list of possibilities.

It was this:



"Is that the end of a crutch with a kitchen knife shoved in it???", I hear you cry?

Why yes! Yes, it is!

Oh, I'm sorry, did you not get that?

It was a CRUTCH with a KITCHEN KNIFE shoved in it UNDER THE SPARE TIRE of my brother's pre-owned vehicle.

I don't think the term "What the f***?" ever moulded itself to a situation quite so nicely.

He's still not quite sure what he's going to do with it. I personally think he should contact the police and let them know, just in case it holds valuable DNA in some cold case somewhere. His trunk could be full of valuable fibers and skin cells that the killer lost while removing the lifeless body, murdered in cold blood, from the trunk, before dumping it into the Schuykill.

Then again, maybe I just watch too much Law & Order.

Paris Hilton: Hypocrisy's Best Friend

I can honestly say that my hatred and disdain for Paris Hilton grows each and every day.

Ever since her Vanity Fair blacklisting, I've held onto the hope that she's going to slowly but surely disappear from the media and our minds. As such, I've tried not to write anything about, bad or otherwise. However, after reading exerpts from a recent interview she did with Elle magazine, I must post.

I had a whole commentary written up, but I decided to scrap it. The whole interview is so rife with hypocrisy that I don't think I even need to say anything to get my point across.

However, I will say that the idea that PARIS F***ing HILTON is talking about someone else letting fame go to her head, is probably the funniest thing I've read in a long time.

Read all the bullshizz here.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

The Smartest Dog in the Universe

So we all know how cute Simon is.



But I don't think any of us, myself included, knew just how ridiculously intelligent he is. Earlier tonight, he made it abundantly clear.

Whenever Simon takes his medication (be it for allergies, his recent bum back leg, or whatever) the pills have to be hidden in some sort of tasty morsel of food. I don't like to even touch meat so my mom was giving him his pill today in a pork nugget (It's Shake and Bake, and I helped!) and 2 or 3 times in a row, he managed to eat the treat, but drop the pill on the floor.

My mom quickly got fed up and began yelling. Simon ran under the kitchen table and she said "You better hide!!". She picked the pill off the floor, threw it into his bowl, and went into the living room.

A minute later, Simon walked into the living room and my mom said "You're bad!". Then, with a guilty look on his face, he walks over and stands in front of my mom, opens his mouth, and the pill falls to the floor (which, if you're following the story closely, means he went to his bowl and got it).

Then he ate the pill.

So to reiterate...

Simon got yelled at for avoiding his medicine, had the capacity to realize why he was being reprimanded, retrieved the pill from his bowl where he watched my mom throw it, brought it out and SPECIFICALLY MADE SURE SHE SAW IT, and then ate it. Neither of us could believe it. Of course we were all "Good boy!!" and stuff, so he wagged his tail and jumped up and hugged my mom as if to say "You're not mad anymore, right?"

Tell me that's not amazing?