Monday, July 31, 2006

You Heard It Here First!

The following letter appears in this week's issue of Entertainment Weekly:



The more astute Marnie's World fans will have noted that I made that very same observation 7 months ago to the day:

Claydiohead

Loves it.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Keane Mini-Tour A-Go-Go!!

Well, the time has finally come. Keane is gearing up to tour the US and I'm gearing up to follow them around like a lovesick puppy!

Imagine my shock and dismay when I returned home from Vegas to find a 5 day-old "Keane Weekly Newsletter" informing me that tickets for the US dates would be on sale Saturday the 22nd -- when I was reading it at 1am on Monday the 24rth! Ahhh!!

But then relief settled in like a squatter in an abandoned cottage when, two emails later, my kindred spirit and fellow stalker, Kat, let me know that she'd taken care of it. And not just tickets to one show, friends. No, that's just not how we roll. She got us tickets to the shows in Philly, New York, AND Boston. (Now you see why we get along so well. Where else am I going to find my special brand of insanity packaged neatly inside another human being?). As if that wasn't enough, the following Friday, she even sorted us out with tickets to a second NY gig, when Keane went ahead and decided to add a show at Carnegie Hall! Woo hoo! Excuse me while I kiss the sky!

We're both pretending to toy with the idea of Baltimore as well, when we both know damn well that we'll be there. Obsessive personalities like ares just don't do well with the idea that our heroes are playing a mere few hours from us and we're not there.

So it's time to bust out the iron on transfers for some more "Keane 'South Park Style'" t-shirts and hit the road! September can't come soon enough. Tom, Tim, and Richard aren't going to know what hit them!*



*Yes, we really are this crazy.

Related entries:

Keen on Keane
Still Keane on Keane

Keane is Going to Take Over the World
Something in Me Is Dying
Is It Any Wonder?
This is the Last Time

As a side note, who the hell are these guys???

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Pathetic! Well... You Say That.

But no, it really is pathetic that two-thirds of my Vegas pictures are gone.

GONE!

Really good ones too! Lots of boob grabbing and drunkeness, as well as one shot that was going to make for some great incendiary humour here at Marnie's World. I won't elaborate any more than saying it involved Kanye West and an empty pocket, and it was going to be great. And now it's gone! Shocking! I'm not going to get into how it happened or how I nearly cried, but I will say that I hate technology, and that nothing beats a good old fashioned printed photo. The end.

Looking on the bright side, I've got an entire 64MB card's worth of photos left, so all is not lost. There will be plenty more coming care of my fabulous friends, but for now I think you've all waited long enough, so it's time to post what I've got left!!

Let's start from the beginning.

I'm going to spare you the gory details about how I sat in the Philadelphia airport from 4am to nearly 4pm on the Monday that I left waiting for a USAir flight that could finally take my stand-by ass! Or how I ultimately ended up dropping a somewhat crazy amount of money on a one-way flight via Southwest because that was a much better option than missing the first day of my vacation. Or how USAir then had no idea where my bag was. Nope. I'll spare you all that. It's not a pretty story.

But thanks to the magic of Southwest and their 5 empty seats, I got my show on the road. After a quick stop in Pittsburgh, I finally was able to settle in and snooze my way to Vegas.

I got there at a reasonable 6:15pm, and much to my delight, my bag was indeed there waiting for me. Result! Once at the hotel, I immediately forgot about all my troubles and settled myself in for a night of excess boozing, beginning at the Baccarat Bar.

First picture of the evening, while everyone is still coherent. Just wait 'til the champagne starts flowing.

Sam and I, acting like like the prim and proper ladies that we obviously are.

Richie looks scared to death in this photo. Can't say I blame him.

A thorn between 2 roses.

I look naked in this one. How appropriƩ.

Like something straight out of a magazine.

Then we headed into Fontana Bar then for some live music and all that...

With one of the many Simons in my life.

Remember I said about the champagne flowing? Well, it's starting.

Elmo's face would suggest that he's not happy to have me on his lap... but his actual lap says otherwise. ;-)

Onto Caramel lounge for some more ridiculousness...





Strictly dance fever.

Well Richie looks less frightened in this photo, but I fear the booze is beginning to take its toll on me because I look like shizz.

It's obvious that no one wants me on their lap!

All my female readers are likely going to have to change their knickers after seeing this photo.

Not quite sure what's going on here. Doesn't look like Mondo knows either.

I need to start practicing a new picture face.

Oh, would you look at that? A photo of me kissing Mini! How original!

'Ooh look at us singing the song' ...Pathetic.

Someone said we look like brother and sister in this photo. An extremely hot brother and sister, obvs.

I laugh out loud every time I see this photo. And see? I'm not the only one who kisses everyone in photos!

You could bottle this up and sell it.

To be honest, the rest of the night is a bit of a blur. I believe there was some more drinking and some more gambling, and I found out the next day that Sam apparently fell in the middle of the casino floor and injured her hand on her bracelet. Why do I always miss these things? I was so drunk that it probably happened right in front of me and I just didn't notice. And now I'm going to conveniently side-step the details of the "corridor love" incident and move on to the next day!

Well... I say the next day. I don't think I took any photos that day. All I know is that I should have taken a picture of the veggie burger I had at the Cheesecake Factory because it was the best thing ever. We just went shopping and walked around etc. etc. Normal touristy shit.

Then we spent a little time by the pool where, after slathering on my $26 sunblock and settling back for a nice game of Sudoku, I managed to spill a strawberry smoothie all over the front of my white bathing suit cover-up. Nice. You can dress me up, but don't dare think you can take me out. Of course, I was so worried about it staining, yet somehow it still sits in my suitcase nearly a week later, no closer to being washed than it was after the actual incident. That's just my style. Moving on...

Strangely, I've only got one photo of that night out as well, and it's not because they were lost. I guess I just didn't take any! It's probably for the best though. That was the night I had my dress lifted over my head to 'check my pants matched' and nearly got thrown into a fountain (both things care of Elmo). The guys will remember that night as the night where I was 'cold.' Yes, definitely better that there was only one picture, and that I wasn't in it!

This photo was actually taken in the shittiest bar in the world, with the shittiest waitress in the shittiest outfit. We didn't stay long. Just long enough to capture this magic.

That was a good night overall, although I wish I didn't have that Rum Runner so early (as good as it was) because I was three sheets to the wind by about 10pm. I do remember Seneca from the BlackJack table at Treasure Island though. He was the best. Oh yeah, and that guy who was at the table with us who said he felt like he was in 'The Office'. What an American thing to say. :-)

I hope everyone else got pictures of this night because what the hell is up with me not taking any?

The next day we went to the MGM Grand to see the lions, but all we got was this one who looked as if she'd been tranquilized.

Or maybe she was dead.

On the upside, a girl came up to Glennie and said "Will you put on one of these [lion] heads and chase me around like you're a lion?" which is certainly not something you hear every day. Made for much hilarity. For the record, he didn't do it.

Which is kind of a shame really because that would probably have made for the best photo of the whole vacation.

Then we took the tram to Mandalay Bay to see the Shark Reef, which turned out to be a huge disappointment. 'Ooh look at me, I'm a shark swimming around in captivity'... Pathetic.

That about sums it up.

Being the funloving free spirit I am, on the way home I hung from the tram bar like a monkey and made Sam take a picture of it.

Since you can't see my feet, it actually looks like I'm just standing there, but I promise I'm hanging. Believe me, I almost took out the woman behind me trying to do it.

That night, everyone but me and Elmo went to see Elton John's show at Caesar's. Looking back, I probably should have gone but I've seen Elton and I was being cheap at the time. Oh well. Spilt milk and all that.

Plus we had fun shopping (Shut up Elmo, you know we did!). One of the workers at the Gap even gave us permission to shag in the dressing room which was very kind of him. (That seriously happened). We didn't take him up on his offer because we're fine, upstanding citizens. :-)

Elmo and I on our Elton John-less night.

Mondo, you wanted this one, so you can click the pic for the bigger version.



After Elmo and I met up with everyone else we hopped in a Navigator over to New York New York where we set up camp (much to Elmo's dismay) at the Nine Fine Irishmen. The guys spent much of the night trying to actually name Nine Fine Irishmen, but I'm not sure they managed to do it. Thankfully Sam has about 100 pictures from this night because I don't have many! Just this gem:

4 Fine Englishmen and 1 American tart.

Oh yes, and this!


Short, but oh-so-sweet.

Sam and I left that bar for a short while and went to a few places (that I can't remember the names of). Richie and Mini later joined us, while the rest of the perverts went elsewhere. :-)

Sam and Richie left us early, so Mini and I wandered around Vegas for a bit. We did get to witness one crazy thing. This poor guy was waiting to cross the street with his girlfriend, when a car pulled up, and someone hanging out of the passenger seat window started a fight with him. The car pulled away slowly and the guy followed after, while his poor girlfriend screamed "Stop! What are you doing! What are you doing?!" over and over. She managed to get him to walk away, but then another group of thugs came up from behind and started having a go at him. Poor guy didn't do anything that we could see, but we were just glad it wasn't us!

McDonald's had a long ass line so we went to the most economically sensible food place in the Bellagio, 'Cafe Bellagio' where Mini had an omlette and I enjoyed a nice 3am roll. Can't beat it. :-)

The following day, Elmo and Glennie and I went to a golf store and checked out the Hard Rock (which was dead, but otherwise quite nice) and came home to find Solomon and Jo had randomly arrived and were out by the pool with everyone else! We just hung out there for a while talking bollocks. Elmo very amusingly expressed concern that the others were talking about wanking in front of me, which was very nice. It definitely showed that he hasn't known me for very long. :-)

That night we ate at vegetarian dream, Smith & Wollensky's where I enjoyed 4 pieces of asparagus and a quarter-sized lump of crab, garnished nicely with a wedge of grapefruit. I love steakhouses. :-) Can't you just see it in my face?



Well okay, I'm exaggerating! It wasn't so bad!



Then we headed over to O'Shea's, which can only be described as a "dive casino" although I wasn't complaining because it was cheap as hell, so I could continue to get hopped up on White Zinfandel in a plastic cup (as any proper lady would) without cleaning out my wallet. Then it was back to the Bellagio's Baccarat Bar (for a proper wallet-cleaning).

The studliest of all studs.

Mondo with the manliest drink in the world.

It takes so little to make us happy.

Here I go again. You know how I am.

We had to get up at the ungodly hour of 5am the next day, but despite saying over and over again how we were going to make it "a quiet one" that evening we still stayed out until at least 2. There's always plenty of time for sleep. Alcohol and gambling obviously alway takes precedent!

Of course we were regretting that decision early the next morning. The Grand Canyon never seemed less important to me than it did at that moment. But we're troopers, so off we went!

It was actually a really amazing experience. First a little puddle-jumper plane, then a helicopter ride, then a boat ride. It was just under a billion degrees, but luckily I had the aforementioned $26 sunblock so all was right with the world.

I normally make it a point never to take pictures without people in them, because I inevitably just flip through them without a second glance but this was an exception because it really was pretty amazing.



Sam and Glennie model the latest in hiking wear.

And then me. Twat.

"Kodak Moment" from the boat.

The boat ride was particularly interesting. We got to hear a tale of a businessman who lost his company's money in Vegas, rented a car, and drove off the canyon (he didn't make it), as well as the interesting but little-known fact that no windows in Vegas (hotel rooms at least) open far enough for a person to fit through to avoid suicides by jumping. I think that's a very good idea.

The helicopter thing was cool too other than the fact that we had to get weighed before we got on. No girl likes that. :-) Sam, Glennie and I went in the first one, and I really wish I'd gotten a photo of the second one coming in. Seeing Elmo scrunched in there the way he was, was nothing short of hilarious. Even he said the only time he could get a good look at the Grand Canyon was when the helicopter tilted. :-)

Speaking of Elmo, this lovely photo is care of him, taken just after Mini peed off the Grand Canyon. Oh wait... did I say that? Well, when you've gotta go, you've gotta go.

I'm lucky I didn't get shoved off "Divorce Point".

And lastly, the final shot that was salvaged from my whole vacation is, fittingly, a group shot.

A motley crew if there ever was one.

There was still 3 more days of madness after this, but sadly, that's where the pictorial evidence of the trip ends for now (Unless you want to see the entryway and living area of our room). As I said, more pics will be coming soon, but the shots of Solomon grabbing my boobs and 'enjoying' his Mojito ("There's some sort of vegetation in this!") and Mondo being swarmed by me and Jo are no longer. No more "Broke N*gga" shots. No more of the dreadful dancing at Ghost Bar. Bollocks. Bollocks. Bollocks.

Reading this back, it's actually an extremely shit recount of what was actually a fantastic trip. I could elaborate on most of the stories, but unless you were there, it just won't be as good. So in this case, most of what happened in Vegas is staying in Vegas. :-) It was a really, really good time and I'm SO glad I went!

I love you bastards and I can't wait to see you all again!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Viva Las Update!

Well gentle snowflakes, I'm back!!

About a billion and a half updates coming soon! More from England, loads from Vegas, plus tons of the other inane bullshizz that keeps you coming back to this site in the first place!!

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Bright Lights, Big City

Off to Vegas in a few hours!

Here's hoping that I don't get too drunk and marry someone, a la Britney or Nicky.

I'm sure I'll have plenty of updates upon my return. After all, you know what they say...

What happens in Vegas... ends up on Marnie's blog.

See you in a week!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

One Wedding and No Funerals

To all my loyal readers (or should I say both of you?) I'm back! Albeit, just for a few days before pissing off to Vegas like the jetsetter that I am, but for now I'm here to regale you with my tales from a land far, far away (I believe it's 3800 miles, to be exact).

I actually have loads of stories, including several from a night out in London with Felicity, during which we met Albanian "Genc" who was quite possibly the hottest bit of stuff I've ever seen, AND ran into "Cute Pete" whom you may remember from my last batch of English adventures. Seriously, we just happened to run into him in Leicester Square, the chances of which I believe are about 5 million to one. But there you have it. That's my life. I've also got stories about the longest bus ride through London EVER as well as the £18 caricature from Hell in Covent Garden. But that's all to come later, as right now I'm going to jump to the main thing you really care about -- Richie and Sam's wedding.

Let me start by saying that I'm an idiot. This time it's because when I posted pictures of Simon's haircut before I left, I stupidly left the memory card to my spankin' new camera in my computer, rendering me digital camera-less for the week. I had to make due with a Walgreen's brand disposable, which decided to rewind itself to the beginning after only 17 pictures. Utter crap. Micki managed to capture a few shots on her camera and very kindly sent them to me, so all was not lost, but still. I suck.

Anyhoo, before the wedding we all met up at the pub (natch) to knock back a few before the nuptuals, which was really fun. It was here that Priesty introduced me to Elliot who I'd managed not to meet over the course of 5 years, but whom I'd heard much about via hilarious police reports and the like. Nice to finally put a face to a name. :-)

When Richie asked me "What are you drinking? Just coke?" and I laughed heartily, he surmised that "someone's going to be scraping Marnie off the floor later" which I'm happy to say was not the case (as has been in the past). You all would have been proud.

It was also here that I met Richie's lovely mother for the first time in all these years. She said "Oh Marnie! I've heard a lot about you!" I hasten to imagine. :-)

I saw Gary and Rachel's baby Megan for the first time here as well, and I think it's quite fair to say you'd be hard-pressed to find a cuter baby in this universe. ADORABLE. But you'll see that in a minute if you keep reading.

We weren't at the pub very long before we crossed the street to the church. During the ceremony (which was lovely) I wasn't able to get any photos from the angle I was at, but I assure you it was really good. Everybody looked gorgeous, and unlike a Catholic ceremony, it didn't last 7 hours, which was a nice change.

Immediately after, Summers drove Micki, Jay, Elliot and I to Sainsbury's so the guys could get some deodorant (as you do!). To say it was a tight fit would be the understatement of the year. Elliot's knees were in his chin, Jay was squeezed sideways in the back, I had a seatbelt buckle jammed almost obscenely into my ass, and Micki was bent so awkwardly that when we hit a speed bump, her head hit the roof of the car, bruising her spine. (No joke! She went to the hospital on Monday and all!). Obviously a good time was had by all.

So then we got to the reception where the real boozing and the real fun began. Richie and Mini's speeches were hilarious, and the slide show was adorable. It was at this point that I finally started taking pictures, which I have here for you to enjoy.

Let's start with the beautiful Megan.


I told you she was the cutest baby ever!


Me with Sam's betrothed, Richie, showing off his new bling. If you notice, Solomon is picking his nose to the left.


Me and the always stunning Glennie. See Mondo's tie in the background? I just bought a bathing suit at TopShop in that same print.


Me with Jonny, who, incidentally, also wears that shirt when he moonlights as a TGI Friday's waiter.* Who am I to judge, though, what with that orange elbow?

*Thanks Elliot for the crap joke


Me, Olney, and Michael Jackson pose for a photo. Obviously Michael hasn't changed his pervy ways.


Me and Solomon, who was looking tanner than I was, and his didn't come from a bottle. Or maybe it did. I don't know actually.


Me and Andy. This is where the night starts becoming a bit blurry. I remembering less and less of these shots as I go on...


With the lovely Blackwell, of "splitting his head open on my boss's fence" fame.


Dom and I, who spent half the night clearing our good names. :)


James, looking as if I've just farted or something.

(I hadn't, by the way.)


Obviously the only thing missing from this photo is Liam.


My typical wedding behaviour comes out, this time with Mini as the victim. And I obviously couldn't get enough...


He looks thrilled.


Okay. Now I really don't remember this. There seems to be a bit of kissing going on in the background as well. Once again, Mini looks enthralled.


STILL tamer than at Jay and Micki's wedding.

In this next photo, I feel it necessary to point out that I did not, in fact, block out Micki's face in order to make Laura and myself look better. Ever the modest one, she asked not to be in these photos and I'm merely respecting her wishes. You'll just have to enjoy another Mickey in her place.


The sad part is, I'm probably not even bent down that far in this photo.


Three things I want to know here.
1. Why do I look slightly insane?
2. What am I drinking?
3. Who is that?



And here he is again!

And so that concludes our wedding pictorial. I'm certain I took a photo with Priesty though. Where the hell did that go? Oh well. At least we've got this one.

We all definitely had a great night (and it's a plus that I can remember most of it). One of the best times I've had over there actually, and I'm so so glad I didn't miss it! I could go on and on about it, but as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words so you can just use your imaginations.

Now we'll see if I can make it home from Vegas in one piece (my guess is no).

Anyway, more updates to come so hold onto your hats. :-)