Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Paris Can't Have an Original Idea

Everyone seems to think that the "sexy policewoman" costume that Paris Hilton donned for Halloween this year was a cute, cheeky, slap in the face to the real police that arrested her on a DUI last month. I, on the other hand, think that it was a cheap rip-off of her sister Nicky's costume from a year ago. Behold:



Way to be a forward thinker there, Paris.

Oh, and if copying her sister wasn't bad enough, at a second party this weekend, she even rehashed her OWN idea from last year's party at the Playboy mansion. Granted, she was slightly more clothed than last year (i.e., her birth control patch was less conspicuous on her ass) but it's still the same old crap.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

63 Years of Happiness

Dog years, that is.

On this day in 1997, the world was blessed with the presence of my adorable, hilarious, and insanely smart Jack Russell Terrier, Simon.

Happy Birthday Simon! May today be filled with many car rides and infinite smelly things to roll around in, in the backyard!






Even on his birthday, I do things like this to him. Poor little guy.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Who Is This Girl and What Size Are Her Pants?

Because if you're skinnier than Nicole Richie, there's a problem.



No wonder she looks like she's about to collapse.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Give a Dog a Home!

These three adorable dachshund-terrier mix puppies need a home! They are currently living with a foster family in the Chestnut Hill area of Philadelphia.

Bella, Connor, and Maddie will all be a year old around November/December and all are spayed/neutered and up to date on their shots. If you're interested, please email me and I will put you in touch with the foster family!

You know you can't resist!!!

Unlikely Friends

I don't even think I need to say anything, do I?




Thursday, October 19, 2006

She's All Grown Up!!!!

A HUGE birthday shout-out goes out to my dear friend and doppelgänger, Catherine, who turns the ripe age of 18 today!!!

Being English, Catherine is now of legal drinking age on her home turf, so I'm sure there's much fun to be had in the very near future (if not already).

So here's to you on your birthday, Cat, a girl who's such a good friend that she's not even embarassed to be seen walking around London with me wearing leggings and large white sunglasses. Now that's kinship. :-)

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I May Need Relacore

You know that commercial where the announcer's all like:
"Stress increases Cortisol. Cortisol causes belly fat. Relacore reduces Cortisol. You need Relacore."?
(And yes, I watch way too much friggin' TV) Anyway, I was just sitting here, leaning back in my chair with my feet up on the shelf above my desk, clipping my fingernails. I stopped to watch Criminal Minds for a second and when the commercial came on, I went back to clipping. Well, I started to, but then I couldn't find the clippers. I looked on the top of my desk, and leaned down to see if they had fallen on the floor, but they weren't in either place.

Well guess where they were? Umm... in the FOLD of my STOMACH.

Like, I'm sitting here cracking up about it, but really it's not funny. It's just nasty. I don't need to be losing household items in the folds of my body, k?

I need Relacore.


The only one who knows my pain.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Deelishisly Hypocritical

Okay, I admit it. I watch Flavor of Love. Every week, religiously. Hell, I've even been known to tune into the "Extras" on Comcast On Demand now and again. Pathetic? Oh hell yes. But at least I admit it. And anyway, that shizz is entertaining.

As some of you may know, tonight is the season finale where Flav has to choose between Deelishis and New York. My girl Krazy got sent home at the last elimination ceremony, after spending her entire time in the house defending her motives, while constantly being targeted as the "fake one". Pretty unfair if you ask me. I mean, sure the girl wanted a recording contract, but at least she made no bones about it. In fact, I'd argue that she was almost too naive to truly have any underhanded motives. Just the way she allowed New York to play her like a fiddle showed that much. Poor Krazy got a bad rap!



Anyway, once Krazy's "time was up" I automatically fell into the trap of rooting for Deelishis for the simple fact that she was not New York, who I'd have argued was the most vile person in reality TV history, until I saw her mother in action. Now THAT is a vile bitch.



However, after happening upon the MySpace profile of Deelishis, I don't really care who wins. Why? Well, let's just say for the amount of times Deelishis called Krazy a "fake-ass punk-ass lyin-ass ho-ass opportunist bitch" I find it awfully funny that her own profile is wrought with all kinds of "Book me for a personal appearance!" crap. I'm pretty sure anyone who was not looking for an entertainment career, but just "looking to be me" (those who watch the show will know what I am referring to) does not go and give herself a stage name like "London Charles". (Whatevs, Chandra Davis!). Who's the fake-ass punk-ass lyin-ass ho-ass opportunist bitch now?



In a frighteningly bizarre twist of fate, New York's MySpace is almost a breath of fresh air! Not only does she seem like an actual human being, but she seems almost... (I can't believe I'm going to say this)...smart... and *gasp* likeable.


Did I just say that?

No, seriously! Read it! She's not at all like the insane, arrogant hosebeast that she was on the show! Of course, that doesn't take away the fact that, while on the show, she unleashed a fierce, blinding hatred in me like no television character ever has (although the recently ousted "Monique" on this season's America's Next Top Model came dangerously close). It's just that in "real world" terms, I think she's slightly more normal. Slightly. (Oh by the way, I can't believe she's a full two years younger than I am. I seriously thought Miss Thang was at least 35.)

Anyway...

I only ever saw bits and pieces of the first season of Flavor of Love, like the whole Pumkin spitting incident that we've all come to know and love. If you haven't seen it, for the love of God, click here and watch it. You'll laugh until you can't breathe (It's the unedited version though, so please don't watch it at work.) From what I've seen, New York was pretty foul then too. Real foul. But still a far cry from the ridiculous "HBIC" character she came back with this year.



She was definitely stepping up her "I want my own show" game. Watching the clip on her MySpace page where Flav first met her parents, it was like seeing a whole different person in action (and not just because of the 20 extra pounds). Strangely though, I almost believe that she really wanted Flav, aspiring actress or not. Then again, she could be acting. :-)

So yeah, if I was only going by MySpace junk, I'd say New York all the way, but since New York was the devil incarnate all along, I'm having a REAL hard time rooting for her. I guess now I just don't give a shit who wins.

But whatever. I'll still watch. I'll still enjoy. I'll still tune in to see the inevitable season three. Because even if it's a fake-ass punk-ass lyin-ass ho-ass opportunist show, it's still damn entertaining.



Screencaps from FourFour and my new fave site EVER, I Am Screaming and Punching Myself. Loves it.

Getting All Serious For a Second

So the Valtrex commercial just came on. You know the one. "Take once daily Valtrex to reduce the risk of spreading Herpes to others" (or something like that). Generally, that commercial scares the hell out of me. One out of five people?? Yikes. I'm very prone to cold sores of the mouth, which I find to be quite enough, thanks very much. When I hear those kinds of statistics on genital herpes, it just gives me the heebie-jeebies. *shudder*

Anyway, one of the statistics they give in the ad says "Up to 70% of people who had genital herpes got it from their partner when they had no signs or symptoms of an outbreak". Upon first hearing that I thought "Jesus! 70%!!" but then I read the quote again and thought "Actually, why is that number not 100%?"

Think about it. If 70% of people got herpes from their partner when they weren't showing any symptoms, that means 30% of people got herpes from partners who WERE showing symptoms. To put that into perspective, that means 30% of people who have herpes got it because they had sex with someone whose naughty bits looked like this* at the time.

Yowch.

Can they not have? Thanks.

*Link SO NOT safe for work.

Friday, October 13, 2006

At Least He Didn't Say "Crack is Whack"

My homeboy Graham Norton appears to have put his foot in it with some recent comments about drug use.

In a recent interview with Marie Claire magazine, Grahamy-poo was apparently quoted as saying:

"The only time I took ecstasy was years and years ago. It was absolutely amazing. It was just fantastic - really, really fun."
He also added, no doubt in a hilarious, campy way:

"I've tried loads of drugs, but it would really bug me if I got busted in the tabloids because I take them so rarely."
The National Drug Prevention Alliance is apparently "appalled' by the comments. Forgive me if I roll my eyes.

Both Tory and Labour MPs alike have called his conduct "extremely dangerous" and"grossly irresponsble" and a chief executive of DrugScope, (whatever that is) said:

'... It is reasonable to ask that celebrities recognise a responsibility - that for many people there is a downside to drug use.'
What drama queens. I don't think anyone who was anti-drug is going to read Graham's quote and suddenly think "Wow! If Graham says it's okay, it must be!" Even the hoighty-toighty BBC has Graham's back, for God's sake:

'The issues that Graham discusses in this interview are aimed at an adult audience and reflect the frank and open nature of his personality.'
Word. Why is it okay for Paris Hilton to blatantly have pot in her bag at a fashion show, but Graham says he did ecstasy years ago and he's crucified? Whatevs.

Perhaps the best part of the interview is Graham's view on coke:
'I think that coke is middle-aged stuff. To me, it's a middle-class choice of drug.'
Ha. I'm sure Whitney Houston agrees. I only wish someone would have told Tom Chaplin that.



Love is our only drug.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Paris Fashion Weak

What's up with this model's legs?



Something's just not right.

Pic from the Bastardly

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Did You Ever Know That You're My Hero, Shanna Moakler?

Shanna Moakler is former Miss World or Universe or something, as well as the soon to be former wife of Blink 182's Travis Barker, and an eliminated contestant on this season's Dancing With the Stars.

All that matters, however, is that she punched Paris Hilton in the face yesterday.

That alone makes her awesome.

If you want all the deets, the Superficial tells the tale best!

Monday, October 02, 2006

Queen Bee Indeed

Remember when Lil' Kim used to be kind of pretty?



So what the hell happened?



She looks like she's going the Michael Jackson route. Hmm... now that I think of it, if she keeps it up, she'll be able to play one of the Leprechauns at his new amusement park.

Britney Gets Edgy



Oh Britney, you're all growed up.

Paris's Ass Still Flappin' in the Wind

I've asked before, and I'll ask again...

WHAT is going on with Paris Hilton's ass?



I don't know. Maybe it's just me, but I always thought that one inherent trait of the human body is that you can't generally see the ass from the front.

Or maybe I just haven't been paying attention all these years.



Oh well. At least I know what to get her for Christmas.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Girl, You Betta WORK!

Whatever happened to RuPaul? Remember RuPaul? Seriously... what's he/she doing these days?

Well, I mean... besides hosting America's Next Top Model, of course.