Sunday, February 25, 2007

I Love and Hate This Girl at the Same Time

Hate her because she's all over my man...

And love her because she reminds me so much of myself...


Saturday, February 24, 2007

Lily Allen: 1, Lady Sovereign: 0

During my trip to England in January, I commented one night to Glennie that while England definitely produces the best music in the world (99% of my favourite artists are British, and I'm sure many would agree), when they do happen to put out crap... it is REALLY, REALLY crap. He agreed.

One good example of said crap is Lady Sovereign.

"... and if you hate me then, fuck you."

Well then 'fuck me' because you're horrible.

Anyway, recently this idiot commented that Lily Allen (coincidentally an example of some of the "best" that Britain had to offer this year) didn't have to work as hard as she did because Lily has a famous father.

Shut up, Lady Sovereign.

Anyway, ever the witty one, Lily hit back with this brilliant quote:
"I've spoken to my dad and he said he'd be happy to adopt you if you think it will give you a leg up."
Ha! Brilliant.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Oh. No. He. Dinnit.

Oh yes he did, motha effas!!!

American Idol. Who watched? And don't say "Not me" because 30 million people watch that shizz and you know you're one of them.

Up to this point, Jack Osbourne Chris Sligh has been my number one choice to win the whole thing. Like Clay Aiken and Taylor Hicks, he's not physically your typical idol (which, for me, adds to his likability), but the boy can sing. Period. Plus, he's totes hilarious. Remember his initial audition?

His Idol profile is wrought with humour too.

Anyway, he did great tonight, and he's still my overall fave. HOWEVS, the title of this post does not refer to him.

This post belongs to one Blake Lewis.

In prior episodes, Blake mostly just did a lot of beat-boxing, which just isn't really my "thang" (although he was very good at it) but tonight there was none of that.

Tonight, my friends, mofo busted out some KEANE!!!

He comes out, his song starts, and for the first few seconds I'm all "This song sounds familiar?" Oh, um... that's because it's a song that you listen to no less than 5 times a day, Marnie!! Brotha tore it up with some Somewhere Only We Know!! Do you know what I say to that?

While he's no Tom Chaplin, (there's a Chris Sligh/Chubby Cheek joke in there somewhere) he did the song justice, and even got "the best of the night" honour from Simon. Not too shabby.

So yeah... Chris Sligh better watch his back because Blake just won some major points with me. Oddly enough, they're the two that say "I go pee" when asked about pre-stage rituals, so maybe it's not a Keane fetish I have at all. Maybe it's urine-related.

Either way, both these bastards better make it through!

Paris, You Are So Beautiful

This is a photo from Paris Hilton's birthday party.

Either her make-up artist needs to be fired, or someone wasn't that thorough with their "clean-up" after a little fun in the car on the way over. I'm sure it won't be long before we see that video.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Except He Never Touched Reese Witherspoon.

You know how I love my photo comparisons.

Like, for example, when I surmised that if Lindsay Lohan gained weight she would morph into Kelly Osbourne.

Or when I pointed out that RuPaul and Tyra Banks might, in fact, actually be one and the same.

Or remember how Clay Aiken suddenly looked like me?

Or how my boy Stu looked like Rod Stewart's eldest son?

Haha. But like I said before, only thinner and less haggard looking.

Once, back in the days before the blog, Colleen and I met these cute British guys in Boston who all happened to look like famous people, and I even made up a little photo comparison and sent it to them. (I had quite a life going on back then, didn't I? You're soon about to see that things haven't changed much.)

Anyway, this weekend I went to visit Michelle and her boyfriend in NYC, and on Saturday, we went to see the new movie Breach. About 15 minutes in, Michelle pointed out the fact that Ryan Phillippe looked very much like my longest-standing English friend Matt, whom I've talked about before on here quite a bit. Anyway, I hadn't noticed it up to that point but she was SOO right. In typical Marnie fashion, I drew up a nice little photo comparison for all to enjoy.

Totes uncanny, right? If Reese is looking for a rebound, I think we've found him.

So Who Else Thinks Jayden James is a Girl?

So I have to tell you. I am SO over Britney Spears. Seriously. She's a maniac (and not in the fun "dancing like she's never danced before" sort of way) and I'm just tired of all of the nonsense. Does the media really expect us to be surprised that she shaved her head? I actually think that's one of the tamer things she's done of late. Oh, and if you don't know she shaved her head, then go here, and don't say I never did anything for you. Oh, and also, how's the weather under that rock, Patrick Starfish?

Anyway, the bottom line for me is that once I've seen your genitalia (several times in a row, no less), I don't need to see any more. Bald head and new tattoo? File that under "Could care less". If she wants to be nuts, let her be nuts, but for God's sake, will someone take those kids away?

Which brings me to the actual point of this post. Who else thinks that Britney's second kid is actually a girl? Remember when "he" was born and it was all "Britney had a girl" then "Nope, it was a boy! We fooled you!" and then "His name is Sutton Pierce!" then, "Haha, gotcha again! It's Jayden James!" like over and over? Well if she's lame enough for that kind of game-playing, it wouldn't surprise me to learn that the photo published recently in OK magazine of the elusive Jayden James WAS actually Britney's baby -- and he is just a she.

I mean, how else would you explain a baby boy in a pink snowsuit? You'd have to be craz.... oh, wait.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

A Valentine Memory

Happy Valentine's Day, faithful readers!

Having been pretty much Valentine-less since 2000, this holiday doesn't really mean much to me. I mean, I'm not all bitter about or anything, but usually it just ends up being the day that's a week after my birthday and nothing more.

But today I was thinking about something a funny story from Valentine's Day 2002, so I thought I'd share.

I was a senior in college that year, and Valentine's Day fell on a Thursday, which mean that Micki and I had art classes all day. Like every Thursday, we rolled out ofbed, put on our matching paint-covered dark gray sweatsuits, and our cheap Wal-Mart kicks that we painted Nike swooshes onto, and headed the 15 yards or so to the art building. No make-up, hair in shambles -- the opposite of "the works".

After our first art class, we decided to skip lunch and make a trip to a nearby shopping center to buy a valentine card for our friend Joel. As we made our way out of the Hallmark, a news reporter from Philadelphia's Action News asked if she could talk to us.

Now here we are, looking like HELL, being asked to be on the news. You know me, though. I don't give a shit -- 15 minutes of fame is 15 minutes of fame. I took the mic right out of her hand. She politely took it back and asked "On this Valentine's Day, we were wondering if in this day and age, women should be able to give a man a ring and propose."

My answer went a little something like this:
"Well, we were just in the Hallmark store and neither of us has a Valentine this year which is pretty sad, so I think that if giving a man an engagement ring would get us some of those bears and stuff, then I think it's a pretty good idea"
Not exact, but close. It actually ended up on the news that night, which I've got a tape of somewhere. Later, I was later misquoted on the Action News website as saying, "I think it's a sign of love." Umm... no. I wouldn't say something that corny.

Micki's answer said something about it being okay to give a man a ring "in the heat of the moment" but it unfortunately didn't make it on-air. Lord only knows what they'd have misquoted her. Probably something like "Only when you're doing it."

Anyway... Happy Valentine's Day. Hope everyone gets some!

Ashley Olsen: Slightly Bonkers

So we've seen her be creepy, sullen, artsy, pretentious, and just plain unlikeable.

Now, seeing these photos of Ashley Olsen doing some weird sort of Pilates for the paps while on vay-cay in Mexico, I'm starting to think she's just plain nuts. Because seriously, WHAT is she doing? - FREE Image Hosting! - FREE Image Hosting! - FREE Image Hosting! - FREE Image Hosting! - FREE Image Hosting! - FREE Image Hosting! - FREE Image Hosting! - FREE Image Hosting! - FREE Image Hosting! - FREE Image Hosting! - FREE Image Hosting! - FREE Image Hosting! - FREE Image Hosting! - FREE Image Hosting! - FREE Image Hosting!

And what's with the guy laying on the ground? Is he in a hole or something?

Yeah, weird. Then again, at least she's smiling, so we should really take what we can get.

(click thumbnails for large versions)

Idol Irony

Lately there's been a lot of talk about the fact that American Idol let former contestant Jennifer Hudson slip through the cracks, only to have her go on to win a Golden Globe, a Bafta, and probably an Oscar, among countless other accolades for her performance in Dreamgirls.

The thing is, I think they may have done it again.

Did anyone else notice that the 19 year-old Robyn Troup who was eliminated from the Hollywood round on the show last night, is, in fact, the very same Robyn Troup who sang with Justin Timberlake on the Grammys on Sunday?

How ironic that she got kicked off during that round months ago, and now, before the show has really even got going, she's already "been there, done that" with one of the world's most famous singers? AND, like Hudson, she's getting rave reviews?

Meanwhile, where the HELL are Fantasia Barrino and Ruben Studdard this year? Idol got it right with Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson, but it would appear they need to step up their superstar-searching game.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

"Ooh Look at Me, I'm 27!... Pathetic."

It's only 10:46 in the morning and already my birthday is going better than most years. I walked into work at the crack of dawn this morning to find the beaming faces of my co-workers yelling 'Happy Birthday!'

On my desk, they had left me cards and loads of other little things. 100-calorie packs, Crystal Light bottle packs, Cadbury Fruit and Nut bars, two vegetable trays, AND a fruit tray.

And perhaps best of all? This:

A Keane Cake!!!

I now know that my friends really listen when I talk!! Thanks guys!!!

Now... if anyone needs me, I'll be off eating the icing-covered crotch of Tom Chaplin...

Monday, February 05, 2007

2-7 on 2/7/2007

I should play those numbers.

So how about Wednesday is my 27th birthday? Depending on how long you've been reading this blog (and how good your memory is), you may recall that ever since I turned 25, I haven't been handling my birthdays very well.

Reference: Oh Youth, Where Art Thou?

Like many, I wasn't happy about the idea of getting older, and the sagging, wrinkly body parts that come with it. I didn't like being old enough to say things like "What are these girls wearing at that age?" or "What is with the today's music?".

I certainly found it hard to adapt to the fact that men who were easily 10 years younger than me were old enough to look hot and make me feel like a pedophile. Perhaps most of all, I didn't like the idea of having to finally decide what the hell I want to do with myself when I grow up. Like, where should I buy a house?

Stuff like that made me feel lost -- all the time.

This year, however, everything is different. 2007 is my totes my year. Somehow, since I've been home from England, a whole new Marnie has emerged! I'm more productive, more secure, and I finally have a handle on the direction my life is taking. What a feeling that is!

Mind you, I'm still the witty, hilarious ball of fire that I always was, so don't you worry about that. ;-)

It's just the every day things that have changed. Instead of coming home, crashing on the couch to watch Judge Judy and eating half a bag of Baked Lays for dinner, I now actually make something of the day. I run errands, do laundry and cook a real dinner. I even work out hardcore -- every day. (By the way... how HARD is Pilates???)

In addition to all that jazz, there looks to be some amazing things on the horizon for me this year, and for the first time since "adulthood" (when did that sneak up on me?!) I feel like my life just might end up exactly as I want it to. You can't buy that kind of thing.

Of course, winning the New Jersey Mega Millions for $77 mil this week couldn't hurt.

So instead of dreading it, I welcome this birthday!! Bring it on, biatch!! And you know what else? Sag on, boobs! Sag on! I've got much more important things to worry about!!

Yup. That's pretty much what it's going to be like.