Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Hey You, Big Fat Pig

In my most recent blog post, I discussed Morrissey's song, "America is Not the World", theorizing that, now that Obama has been elected president, Moz kind of had to eat his words:
"In America, The land of the free, they said
And of opportunity, In a just and a truthful way.
But where the president is never black, female or gay

and until that day
you've got nothing to say to me to help me believe"
Of course, I also surmised that, As an Obama supporter himself, Morrissey would be quite happy either way.

Speaking of eating words, and well, eating in general, for the second time in a week, I saw something that made me think of the lyrics to that song.

I had surgery last week, so I've been laid up, and watching even more TV than usual (I know). Today I saw a commercial for something totally ridiculous. Even more ridiculous than Bratz Dolls.

It was this:

Yes, that's right. The KFC "Fully Loaded Box Meal" sponsored by Guitar Hero World Tour.

In an understatement of the year, the slogan for this box-o-slop is "Man, That's a Lot of Food".

Ya think?

The box contains the following:
  • 1 KFC Snacker sandwich
  • 1 Leg or Thigh (your choice)
  • 2 Crispy Strips
  • 2 Sides (shown are the Mac and Cheese and Potato wedges)
  • 1 Biscuit
  • 1 Drink
ONE DRINK, folks. That means this monstrosity is indeed only meant for one person.

Seriously, Colonel?

To add insult to greasy, calorie-laden injury, it's sponsored by Guitar Hero (even comes with a coupon for the game), which means they're encouraging you not only to gorge yourself on this nonsense, but afterwards you can sit your obese ass down and give those fingers a great work out! It's this mentality that makes me insane.

It's also the mentality that caused Morrissey to write these further lyrics from "America Is Not the World":
"America, your belly's too big"

" In America, it brought you the hamburger.
Well America, you know where,
you can shove your hamburger.
And don't you wonder, why in Estonia they say,

Hey you, big fat pig! You fat pig, you fat pig"
Sure, I'm a huge Morrissey fan AND a vegetarian so I could be biased against KFC in general. But I'll also tell you that you'd NEVER find such a meal for sale at a KFC in the UK. And why should you? It's nasty.

In my search to find out what exactly came with that food-induced coma waiting to happen, I stumbled upon yet another gem on the KFC website.

Not to be confused with the "Fully Loaded Box Meal" this equally over the top option is the "Variety Big Box Meal". Rather than give a bulleted list, I'll just copy, verbatim, the promotional blurb for this mess directly from the website:
"Hungry for all of your KFC favorites and can’t pick just one? Now you don’t have to. Your rumbling stomach doesn’t stand a chance against our new Variety Big Box Meal, which includes a drumstick, a Crispy Strip, an individual box of Popcorn Chicken, two Homestyle sides, a biscuit and a refreshing 32-oz. drink. Fill up on all your favorites! (Subject to availability)"
Subject to availability, Gluttons! Your rumbling stomach doesn't stand a chance, but unfortunately neither do your arteries.

Vegetarianism aside, I just don't get it. If someone really wanted to go all out and treat themselves to something like this, surely the least we can do as a society is force them to order the items individually? Why make it easy for us to kill ourselves? Instead we reward it with a coupon for a video game. GAAAHHH.

Sure, you might argue that, on the flip side, the Wii Fit is sold out everywhere, but I'd really like to know how many of those get used on a regular basis, or have even come out of their boxes.

I also wonder if Morrissey has one.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Are Lyrics Vegetarian?

Morrissey's song "America Is Not the World" from his (completely amazing) 2004 CD, You Are the Quarry, contains the following lyrics:
"In America, The land of the free, they said
And of opportunity, In a just and a truthful way.
But where the president is never black, female or gay

and until that day
you've got nothing to say to me to help me believe"
Of course, that same song also contains the lyrics "You know where you can shove your hamburger" but that's beside the point. The point is, I suppose Moz will be eating those words about now.

And I'm sure he's happy to do so.

(Of course, that looks more like Obama and Joaquin Phoenix, but whatevs)

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Cruising into Halloween

And so another Halloween has come and gone.

This year's festivities were decidedly less eventful than the past few years. We kept it low key for sure. As such, rather than take weeks to write up some epic novel about the night's activities in excessive detail, I've decided to do a simple photo comparison post. (We know how I love my photo comparisons!!).

After all, a picture is worth a thousand words, right? Well, I'm pretty sure that doubles when you're in costume.*

So, I still haven't told you what we decided to go as. I'll ease you into it by giving you a hint.

That's me on the left. If you're a big blog reader or TMZ-watcher, you'll know who that is on the right. You'll also know that those shoes were pretty much the most important part of my costume.

Still no? Well, here we go...

(Click images for larger versions)

One big happy (batshit crazy) Scientology-loving family!


Happy Halloween! See you next year!

*I have no idea.